I Didn't Give You Any Message to Deliver

Your phone rings and when you answer you hear someone on the other end saying, “guess what I just heard?” Sounds familiar? What is it about people that make them want to repeat everything they hear? Nothing seems to be off limits or sacred anymore. I mean everything from who is sleeping with who to who is wearing what - people don’t seem to have any boundaries as to how far they will go or care who gets hurt in the process. And it’s not just everyday people doing it.  The media has made gossiping a sensation across the country with talk shows, reality TV, and even some of the popular judge shows are getting into the act.  It seems like gossip is the rave of the century. 

While the media intends it to be entertaining and is probably only feeding off what the public wants to see, everyday gossip can sometimes get out of hand as people seem to think it is okay to repeat everything that is shared with them. Gossip has destroyed homes, caused people to lose their jobs and yes, even played a role in the lost of life.

Personally I am not a fan of gossip – talk shows or otherwise. I guess it stemmed from my school days where just about every day there was some sort of confrontation resulting from someone bringing or caring news about someone and sometimes it ended in a physical altercation. Unfortunately, I was at times, caught up in a few of those altercations. Luckily back then all I had to worry about was a bloody nose or a bruised up knee. These days you have to worry about folks going postal on you. So as a rule of thumb I decided way back then that I would not repeat anything unless it was mines to share, meaning it had to be my business.  If it affected me, mattered to me or directly involved me then I made a conscious decision whether or not I wanted to share it and to who. Likewise, if someone shared something with me I did not repeat it and if I felt the need to do so I would apply those same criteria to make a determination if to share. This includes disagreements I may have with friends. If it didn't fit then I would not share – simple.  Along those lines I also took into consideration what were my reasons or motives for sharing. 

Most people share stuff just because they can and give no thought to why they do it.  For example, back to that earlier phone call you got. The mere fact that they started out saying, “guess what I just heard”, you already know it’s not about needing any input or help resolving an issue. For me, my sharing is predicated on whether or not I need input or help resolving an issue. This simple principle has significantly reduced my number of altercations to zero and has served to strengthen my trust factor among my friends. Oddly enough I don’t seem to be that lucky where my business is concerned as there are those who do not afford me the same courtesy or consideration before repeating things I say.

What really gets me is the seemingly unconcern attitude some people, who make it their life’s work to bring and carry news, have as they give no thought to their actions. I used to find it odd that when engaged in conversation with someone that they would say to me, “don’t say anything” or "just between you and me" just before they divulged some piece of information. I would give them a confused look at the time, which usually got lost on them. The first few times they would say it, I would quickly let them know that I felt insulted that they would think I would repeat any part of their conversation and that I was not in the habit of repeating conversations with others especially when it had no bearing on me, my situation, or my life. However, that seemed to make little difference to them as they would continue to utter their disclaimer in future conversations.  I guess the fact that I never uttered a disclaimer of my own during my conversations left me open/vulnerable to having my words repeated. So I should not have been surprised when parts of my conversation came back to me. I just took it for granted that a conversation between two people was just that, between two people. As time went by, I learned that was not necessarily true. Lucky for me I had made it a point to only discuss things I did not care about or what I had already shared with the person in question. That way when they hear it, they can say "Oh, I already know. She told me." That was my mechanism to control or curtail confrontations.

Despite my best efforts, I find that some people still felt the need to share the contents of my conversation with others. Just the other day I was speaking to this lady and I casually mentioned to her that I was a little apprehensive about meeting this “new person”. In our next conversation she mentioned that she had spoken to the “new person” and mentioned my apprehension to meeting her. All I could do was shake my head.  As far as I was concerned, I did not give her any message to deliver for me. That she felt the need to mention it to the “new person” is beyond my comprehension. While I don’t think it was done with malicious intent, the fact that she did not think twice about doing it says a lot about her character.  

A lot of confrontations and issues that arises as a result of gossip can be avoided if people would simply think twice before repeating the contents of conversations. I’m not saying you shouldn't talk about you or what you talk about, but when engaged in conversation it would do you good to think of the conversation in terms of the Vegas disclaimer - what is being said should stay unsaid. I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you?)i(

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