At some point in our lives we have either
entertained a house guest, been a house guest, or know of someone who was a
house guest or had a house guest. It’s just something that happens in the course
of life. There are lots of things that may foster the need to be a house guest
or to have a house guest. For many, the desire to help someone who is down on
their luck is the primary reason why they open their home to others, sometimes
even to strangers. But
what dictates how long they should stay and what are the expectations of them while
they are there? Unlike the movie Houseguest starring Sinbad, having house guests can be no laughing matter.
Back in 1995 after being turned down for a
promotion on my job and unable to make ends meet with my salary, I started entertaining
the idea of leaving my native island and branching out to the mainland. I was
not sure what I would encounter but felt sure it had to be better than what I was
experiencing. So I contacted a couple in Atlanta that I had met and befriended while
they were on the island. The wife was very understanding to my plight and
responded positively to my request to visit Atlanta to see if I could find
gainful employment. I ended up interviewing and getting a position at her company
and subsequently moved my family to Atlanta. Naturally when we got here we
stayed with the couple. As far as I can remember there was no real discussion
about how long I could stay with them short of “until you get on your feet.” When I asked if I can help pay for
anything I was told to save my earnings to help get settled.
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I would end up spending almost two months with that
couple. The experience itself was more than I had expected. They opened their
home to us and made us feel welcomed. Not only did they open their home to me
and my two children, they provided a vehicle for us to get around and also showed
me the ropes about stateside living, i.e., finding a daycare for my son, best
route to take to get to and from work after dropping off/picking up my son by
avoiding highways as I had no experience driving on multi-lane highways. I
remember that the husband was very concerned with my not getting lost and provided me
with a map book and showed me how to read it. They were great. They made my first
experience as a house guest very memorable. I did my best to pull my weight
even though they did not ask for any compensation for me staying with them. I did
what I could to compensate in my own way, i.e., doing the dishes, routine house
cleaning, etc. I also did not want to take advantage of them, so I was
determined to find an apartment and a car of my own. I had a lot of anxiety
about moving too far away from the couple as I didn't know any place else and
was a bit scared about being on my own. After all I had never lived any place
else except my small island and everything now was so unfamiliar. 
As with anything else, living with people have its
challenges, so we did have our share of disagreements, i.e., my parenting style,
my decision to do laundry instead of joining them for dinner, etc. No matter
how well intended, it is inevitable that the day will come when you have
outstayed your welcome. I remember it like it was just yesterday – it was a
cold Sunday morning in mid February when the wife came to the door of the room
I shared with my children and asked me what my plans were for the day. I told her
that I didn't have any and she said, “You
need to find some place to go because I need to spend some time with my
husband.” Looking back I can see how that was a fair request, after all it
was just the two of them and their two cats before I came along with my two
children. Despite their big hearts, the need for quality time alone became a
necessity. So without thought of where we would go, we got dressed and got in
the car with no destination in mind. I remember driving around for hours
feeling so misplaced and eventually pulling into a parking lot where I had a
meltdown. It was there that my situation hit me and I was forced to reflect on
what I had done. I had moved my children to an unfamiliar place with no family
support and I was scared. I knew I needed to find a place and I needed to find
it quick. So I dried my eyes and went looking for an apartment. I ended up
signing a lease at the first place I saw. The next weekend I went looking for a
car. By the first week in March we were in our very own apartment, furniture
and all.
There are lots of reasons why someone may need
a place to stay - hopefully short-term - however it is never okay to take
advantage. I am willing to grant it that some people may not have any previous
experience about being a house guest and may not have any idea of what is considered
fair when placed in that situation. But there are those who knowingly set out
to get over. In any case it is wise to have some rules or plans in place in the
event you find yourself on the host end. First have a clear understanding of
exactly how long they intend to stay. This will help you gauge whether or not
it is a time frame that works for you. If it is longer than you know you can stomach,
then please by all means let them know and gracefully decline. Next, have a
clear understanding of what compensation you expect from them for the duration
of their stay. This may be in the form of monetary compensation, chores, or a
combination of both. Then you want to share your house rules in no uncertain
terms, i.e., coming and going, food consumption, cleaning up after themselves,
privacy, smoking/non-smoking expectation, etc. Finally you want to have an out clause meaning should things not
work out before the expected end date that you can and will ask them to leave.
With that being said, monitor the situation every day and speak openly about
what is not working to give your house guest an opportunity to correct the
behavior.
As a house guest you also have the
responsibility to do your part when staying with someone. Be considerate and
respectful of your host realizing that they are doing you a favor by allowing
you to stay in their home. Their house is not a hotel so do your due diligent and
clean up after yourself and monitor utility/water usage. And above all, don’t overstay
your welcome, regardless of your reasons for needing a place to stay. Try to
get out as quickly as possible. Put yourself in their shoes and act accordingly.
Looking back on my own experience I see where I had let fear keep me from doing
what needed to be done. There is no telling how long I would have stayed with
that couple had the wife not made that comment. I may never know exactly when
my stay became an issue or just how they really felt about the time I spent in
their home as they showed me nothing but kindness during my stay and never once
did either of them made me feel uncomfortable even during our times of
disagreements. 
Truth is, had it not been for the generosity shown to me by that couple I would not have
been able to successfully move my family into an apartment and secure a vehicle as easily as I did - I am forever grateful. It’s been 17 years now, but that was the first and only time I stayed with
anyone since I left my mother’s house. I have, however opened my home to many
since then. It is said that when it comes to house guest, two weeks is the maximum
time allowed before it is considered that they have overstayed their welcome. Some say three days. I saw a plaque
once over a door that read, “Jesus was
out in three days.” I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you?)i(
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The views and opinions shared here are by the Author and are the property of Todos Escribe.
The views and opinions shared here are by the Author and are the property of Todos Escribe.
I like...you sure hit this one on the nail!!!
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