Phone Etiquette - Still A Desirable Feature

As time changes, so do expectations and etiquette as it relates to a large spectrum of things including the telephone. Think about it – what was your experience like as far as using the telephone say, 40 years ago? For one thing there were only stationary phones so you were limited to location when placing and receiving calls.  Then there was no caller ID so there was no way to know who was calling you unless you actually answered the phone. Nor was there any call waiting. So if you were on the phone you would not know someone was trying to reach you and the person calling you would be greeted with a busy signal. Fact is the telephone as we know it has evolved over the years and now includes wireless/mobile ability.  Not only that, it now includes a lot of features that were not even imaginable let alone possible back then, i.e., call return, caller block, three-way calling, call forwarding, repeat dialing, etc. So it stands to reason that as things changed so would what is deemed acceptable as far as phone etiquette is concerned.

Keeping in mind that there are still people who do not have a mobile phone or any of the extra features mentioned above on their house phone, I still offer that for the mass majority phone etiquette is still warranted.  I say that because I have found that some people tend to be unconcerned with how they treat their callers. Either they have never been on the receiving end of the treatment that they themselves exhibit or they just have not given it any thought at all. Let’s say you are on a call and you receive another call. What would you do?  Most people will ask the first caller to hold on while they take the other call but they may or may not click back over in a timely manner. Personally I have a 60-second rule meaning I will hold on for as long as it takes for them to let the other caller know they are on another call and will call them back or for them to click back over and tell me they need to take that other call/need to call me back. 

Sometimes, depending on who the person is or how busy I am, I may give them a little more time to click back over but no more than three minutes, which is generous. Think about it – how much time do you need to tell someone you are on a call and need to call them back or to make a determination whether or not the nature of the call dictates that you take it?  Most times than not when you get a call you already know, based on who the caller is, whether or not you need to take that call right away. So if you are on the phone talking to your best friend and your doctor/boss calls in, why not tell your friend right then that you will call them back before you take the other call, especially since you don’t know how long that call may last? Better yet, if you are going to take another call, why not end the first call before clicking over?

I know that there are lots of reasons why people chose to take a call while on another call, but there is no reason to leave people holding on while you engage in another conversation. One of the most frustrating things for me, besides being cut off in the middle of my conversation, is being told to hold on mid-sentence while relaying a crucial situation only to have the person come back to say “I wish I didn't answer that call.” Or “I hate when people call trying to sell me stuff.” Are you kidding me? Surly you have caller ID but more importantly, you have voice-mail.  Don’t get me wrong – my frustration does not come from the fact that they clicked over to take another call but rather that they gave no consideration to me or who was calling before clicking over. 

When I am on a call I tend to give the person I am talking to my utmost respect and only take calls on a need to basis. So if I get a call while I’m on a call I check to see who is calling. If it’s one of my children or an expected call I tell the person I am speaking to that I have another call coming in and will call them back or talk to them later. If it’s not one of my children or a call I am expecting, I let the call go to voice-mail.  If I do decide to click over, I quickly find out the nature of the call and make a determination whether or not I need to end the previous call. Sometimes, if the nature of the call I am on is very important, I will let my children go to voice-mail and call them back when I get off the call. However, mobile phones now have options where you can send a text message to the caller if you chose not to take their call letting them know why you could not take their call, for example, “I’m on another call” or "I’m in a meeting.”  You can also include your intentions to return the call later if you chose to.  

While no one can dictate to you when and how to answer your phone - and I’m not trying to do that - there are some simple behaviors that are just necessary courtesies. For starters you should value your caller’s time. If you chose to take a call while on another call, be considerate and try to get back to them as soon as possible. If you find that the second call supersedes the first call then simply let the first caller know you have to call them back/you have to go. 

If you find that getting back to the first caller is virtually impossible because the nature of the second call dictates you stay on the line and the first caller subsequently hangs up because they could not wait indefinitely, be thoughtful and call them back with an apology.  Trust me, they will appreciate the gesture because nobody likes being kept on hold and I’m guessing not even you. I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you?)i(

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House Guest or House Pest

At some point in our lives we have either entertained a house guest, been a house guest, or know of someone who was a house guest or had a house guest. It’s just something that happens in the course of life. There are lots of things that may foster the need to be a house guest or to have a house guest. For many, the desire to help someone who is down on their luck is the primary reason why they open their home to others, sometimes even to strangers. hen it does that may or maynot happen throughout the cousre  been a house guest, or know of someone who were at one point aBut what dictates how long they should stay and what are the expectations of them while they are there? Unlike the movie Houseguest starring Sinbad, having house guests can be no laughing matter.

Back in 1995 after being turned down for a promotion on my job and unable to make ends meet with my salary, I started entertaining the idea of leaving my native island and branching out to the mainland. I was not sure what I would encounter but felt sure it had to be better than what I was experiencing. So I contacted a couple in Atlanta that I had met and befriended while they were on the island. The wife was very understanding to my plight and responded positively to my request to visit Atlanta to see if I could find gainful employment. I ended up interviewing and getting a position at her company and subsequently moved my family to Atlanta. Naturally when we got here we stayed with the couple. As far as I can remember there was no real discussion about how long I could stay with them short of “until you get on your feet.” When I asked if I can help pay for anything I was told to save my earnings to help get settled.    

I would end up spending almost two months with that couple. The experience itself was more than I had expected. They opened their home to us and made us feel welcomed. Not only did they open their home to me and my two children, they provided a vehicle for us to get around and also showed me the ropes about stateside living, i.e., finding a daycare for my son, best route to take to get to and from work after dropping off/picking up my son by avoiding highways as I had no experience driving on multi-lane highways. I remember that the husband was very concerned with my not getting lost and provided me with a map book and showed me how to read it. They were great. They made my first experience as a house guest very memorable. I did my best to pull my weight even though they did not ask for any compensation for me staying with them. I did what I could to compensate in my own way, i.e., doing the dishes, routine house cleaning, etc. I also did not want to take advantage of them, so I was determined to find an apartment and a car of my own. I had a lot of anxiety about moving too far away from the couple as I didn't know any place else and was a bit scared about being on my own. After all I had never lived any place else except my small island and everything now was so unfamiliar.

As with anything else, living with people have its challenges, so we did have our share of disagreements, i.e., my parenting style, my decision to do laundry instead of joining them for dinner, etc. No matter how well intended, it is inevitable that the day will come when you have outstayed your welcome. I remember it like it was just yesterday – it was a cold Sunday morning in mid February when the wife came to the door of the room I shared with my children and asked me what my plans were for the day. I told her that I didn't have any and she said, “You need to find some place to go because I need to spend some time with my husband.” Looking back I can see how that was a fair request, after all it was just the two of them and their two cats before I came along with my two children. Despite their big hearts, the need for quality time alone became a necessity. So without thought of where we would go, we got dressed and got in the car with no destination in mind. I remember driving around for hours feeling so misplaced and eventually pulling into a parking lot where I had a meltdown. It was there that my situation hit me and I was forced to reflect on what I had done. I had moved my children to an unfamiliar place with no family support and I was scared. I knew I needed to find a place and I needed to find it quick. So I dried my eyes and went looking for an apartment. I ended up signing a lease at the first place I saw. The next weekend I went looking for a car. By the first week in March we were in our very own apartment, furniture and all. 

Since then I have heard horror stories from both sides of the spectrum about the difficulties of house guests. There are those who move in with no real plan in place as to how long they will stay or what compensation, if any, they will provide/expect. For some, they believe that the mere fact that they are staying with a family member entitles them to freeload with no intentions to help out or offer compensation – monetary or otherwise. Not only that, they don’t clean up after themselves or anyone else for that matter, they eat without replacing what they ate, and may even develop an attitude when asked to help out from time to time. Then there are others for who being a house guest mean just that – a house guest – with no responsibilities at all.  Basically they feel it is okay for them to run up the utilities, eat whatever they want, take long showers, and enjoy all the amenities in the  home without thought or consideration of how it's getting paid or how it affects the host. If left unchecked these actions can foster resentment and cripple a friendship/relationship.

There are lots of reasons why someone may need a place to stay - hopefully short-term - however it is never okay to take advantage. I am willing to grant it that some people may not have any previous experience about being a house guest and may not have any idea of what is considered fair when placed in that situation. But there are those who knowingly set out to get over. In any case it is wise to have some rules or plans in place in the event you find yourself on the host end. First have a clear understanding of exactly how long they intend to stay. This will help you gauge whether or not it is a time frame that works for you. If it is longer than you know you can stomach, then please by all means let them know and gracefully decline. Next, have a clear understanding of what compensation you expect from them for the duration of their stay. This may be in the form of monetary compensation, chores, or a combination of both. Then you want to share your house rules in no uncertain terms, i.e., coming and going, food consumption, cleaning up after themselves, privacy, smoking/non-smoking expectation, etc. Finally you want to have an out clause meaning should things not work out before the expected end date that you can and will ask them to leave. With that being said, monitor the situation every day and speak openly about what is not working to give your house guest an opportunity to correct the behavior.

As a house guest you also have the responsibility to do your part when staying with someone. Be considerate and respectful of your host realizing that they are doing you a favor by allowing you to stay in their home. Their house is not a hotel so do your due diligent and clean up after yourself and monitor utility/water usage. And above all, don’t overstay your welcome, regardless of your reasons for needing a place to stay. Try to get out as quickly as possible. Put yourself in their shoes and act accordingly. Looking back on my own experience I see where I had let fear keep me from doing what needed to be done. There is no telling how long I would have stayed with that couple had the wife not made that comment. I may never know exactly when my stay became an issue or just how they really felt about the time I spent in their home as they showed me nothing but kindness during my stay and never once did either of them made me feel uncomfortable even during our times of disagreements. 

Truth is, had it not been for the generosity shown to me by that couple I would not have been able to successfully move my family into an apartment and secure a vehicle as easily as I did - I am forever grateful.  It’s been 17 years now, but that was the first and only time I stayed with anyone since I left my mother’s house. I have, however opened my home to many since then. It is said that when it comes to house guest, two weeks is the maximum time allowed before it is considered that they have overstayed their welcome. Some say three days. I saw a plaque once over a door that read, “Jesus was out in three days.” I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you?)i(

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Legalize It

Never thought I would live to see the day when Cannabis/marijuana, also known as hemp, weed, joint, blunt, duchy, pot, grass, reefer, tampee, sensee melia, or ganja, would be legal. I grew up in an era where I was ignorant to the fact that it was illegal to possess marijuana never mind smoke it. Not that I have ever smoked it - well there was that one time I tried to but ended up coughing up a storm - so not funny. Guess I swallowed when I should have exhaled. Either way, it ended up on my “least liked things to do” list just above smoking cigarettes. The thing is, back then it seems as if just about everyone smoked it and nobody was tripping over what it did or didn't do. On any given day you could walk through the projects (Chabert, Red Brick, Kennedy, Auro Diaz) and observe guys hanging out on the corner puffing and passing a joint. Sooner or later someone would come by asking if anybody had any funta or grabber. Funta/grabber is home grown tobacco which was used to lace the marijuana joint to reduce coughing and to enhance/increase the length of the high (I guess my sample didn't have any in it, thus the coughing). 

Ordinarily marijuana burns quickly and the smoke is very light so the high gained from it is over before you had a chance to enjoy it. By adding funta you create a slow burning blend which enhances and prolongs the effects of the high. 

Marijuana is a natural herb that grows wild in some places and harvest for its healing properties. Rastafarians use it as a part of their meditation ritual. For years people who used marijuana and knew of its healing properties begged the powers that be to legalize it so that they could indulge in it freely without the stress of being hauled off to jail for having less than an ounce in their possession. Even renowned reggae artist Bob Marley (and later Peter Tosh) released a song about it back in 1976 called simply - Legalize it! Some of his lyrics claim that doctors, nurses, lawyers, and judges smoked it – I can believe that. He also claimed that it was good for the flu, asthma, and tuberculosis and even something called Numara Thrombosis, whatever that is.  I couldn't find the meaning for numara but I learned that Thrombosis is the formation of a blood clot inside a blood vessel, obstructing the flow of blood through the circulatory system. So with the calming effect that comes from smoking marijuana I can see how that would work. Bob goes on to say that even birds, ants, fowls/chicken, and goat eat and love this plant. There were no “food administration” when my grandparents were growing up –  for that matter there was none around in our earlier ancestors’ time either. So according to my paternal grandfather, the animals were their official food administration. He said, “If the goat eat it and lived, then it’s good for human consumption.”

This highly controversial dispute over whether or not to legalize marijuana has been on-going for decades. The arguments presented on either side can be very compelling. For some it’s all about the revenue marijuana sales generates. They believe that keeping a ban on the use of marijuana is a coordinated effort by very powerful men who use the government to help regulate the revenue it generates. If everyone is able to grow their own marijuana in their backyard like tomato patches, then there would be no profit in it. They equate marijuana to tobacco in that they both are derived from nature in the form of a plant and while tobacco is “big business” because it is harvest and packaged by a handful of companies who control that revenue, marijuana can eventually be harvested and packed the same way. But by keeping it illegal, it forces people to operate in much the same way they did when alcohol was illegal. There is more money to be made on a banned substance than there is on the legal stuff, especially when the suppliers are few.

Then there are those like John Walters, Director of the Office of National Drug Control Policy who argues that there are properties in marijuana which makes it unsafe for human consumption. They claim that it is highly addictive, and among other things increases heart rate, and according to Director Walters, it “damages the brain, heart, lungs, and immune system. That it also "impairs learning and interferes with memory, perception, and judgment.” Oh and my personal favorite, “Smoked marijuana contains cancer-causing compounds…." Hello, so does smoking cigarettes! Opps I’m sorry. I forgot I’m suppose to be providing unbiased reporting here – lol.  Okay, where was I again? Oh yeah – marijuana is bad for you. Yeah, right. I saw literally lots of people indulging in smoking pot over the years and they are no worse for wear. Sure some of them are dead now but it had nothing to do with smoking pot, trust me. The worst side effect I saw was increased hunger and mellowness. I never witnessed anyone doing half the crap that a person loaded on alcohol or prescription drug do, i.e., crash a car, picked a fight, pull a gun, etc. Besides, have you seen some of those commercials for prescription drugs? The side effects are ten times worse than the illness it is suppose to help alleviate and in some cases can literally kill you.  Truth is, smoking marijuana is a lot less harmful than say smoking cigarettes. It is little known fact that cigarettes manufactures add stuff/chemicals to the tobacco that not only make them very addictive but also very harmful to your health.  Have you seen all the new cigarette warning commercials lately? It's enough to make you want to quite smoking - if you can.  Anyway, for all intent and purposes, there are tons of reasons why marijuana should be legalized and just as much reasons why it should not.

So after years of being on the “banned or control substance” list which resulted in countless people being prosecuted for indulging in this favorite American pass time – I say that jokingly of course, but true none the less – we have the beginning of what many felt was inevitable. Marijuana is now being more accepted as a formal form of treatment for a range of health conditions across the country. First out the gate was California, who broke away from the pack in 1996 by legalizing it for medicinal purposes.  Over the next 16 years the following 18 states made their mark by voting to legalize it for medicinal purposes as well: Alaska, Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut, District of Columbia (DC), Delaware, Hawaii, Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont, and Washington. Colorado and Washington are the first states to approve the legalize non-medical use of marijuana. It is important to note that each state has different rules and regulations/laws that govern the possession and use of this once controlled substance. And while the following eight states have pending legislation to do the same, they would do good to take heed of the federal issues hovering over this brave act: Illinois, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Maryland, New Hampshire, New York, and Oklahoma. For starters, while marijuana may be legal in the aforementioned states, under federal law, it is still illegal to possess, use, buy, sell, or cultivate marijuana for recreational use. There have been reduced instances of individual persecution in those states where it has been legalized for medicinal use because of the revised laws, but for those people who are “professional traffickers”, not so much. There are rules and regulations in place to govern the handful of approved growers of marijuana for medicinal use and they are being monitored discreetly to ensure compliance. Side bar: For the record, I'm not convinced that these "authorized growers" and "producers" are keeping the cannabis at it's natural properties. I've seen ads and commercials where they are offering a variety of flavors and strains. Seems like somebody's playing God and adding stuff to the mix. It's those "additives" that can potentially muddy the waters and give the impression that cannabis is not healthy for human consumption. Yes, mass production by companies could very well end up like the tobacco industry - where we now have a tainted product.

So when posed with the question of whether or not I am for or against the legalization of marijuana, I say legalize it! By so doing we begin the process of eliminating the grip the illegal trade has had on this country for years and reduces the crimes that come with it.  Not only that, legalization would also ensure that the product does not get contaminated with chemicals or such delights as everyone who chooses can grow their own thus ensuring it keeps it original natural properties. We will gain a valuable tax-source as well as reduce the cost associated with policing this now illegal activity.  As more states opt to legalize marijuana, I can’t help but wonder what repercussion this is going to have on the rest of the country/world who still have bans on it.  Who knows when or if all of America will embrace lifting the ban off this substance allowing it to be used for whatever purpose - be it medicinal or recreational. But for now I know there are some happy people out there who will gladly drive across state lines if for no other reason but for the opportunity to be able to indulge in a spliff without the fear of being caught, imprisoned, or worst. Just because I don’t smoke don’t mean you can’t. Enjoy! I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you?)i(

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I Didn't Give You Any Message to Deliver

Your phone rings and when you answer you hear someone on the other end saying, “guess what I just heard?” Sounds familiar? What is it about people that make them want to repeat everything they hear? Nothing seems to be off limits or sacred anymore. I mean everything from who is sleeping with who to who is wearing what - people don’t seem to have any boundaries as to how far they will go or care who gets hurt in the process. And it’s not just everyday people doing it.  The media has made gossiping a sensation across the country with talk shows, reality TV, and even some of the popular judge shows are getting into the act.  It seems like gossip is the rave of the century. 

While the media intends it to be entertaining and is probably only feeding off what the public wants to see, everyday gossip can sometimes get out of hand as people seem to think it is okay to repeat everything that is shared with them. Gossip has destroyed homes, caused people to lose their jobs and yes, even played a role in the lost of life.

Personally I am not a fan of gossip – talk shows or otherwise. I guess it stemmed from my school days where just about every day there was some sort of confrontation resulting from someone bringing or caring news about someone and sometimes it ended in a physical altercation. Unfortunately, I was at times, caught up in a few of those altercations. Luckily back then all I had to worry about was a bloody nose or a bruised up knee. These days you have to worry about folks going postal on you. So as a rule of thumb I decided way back then that I would not repeat anything unless it was mines to share, meaning it had to be my business.  If it affected me, mattered to me or directly involved me then I made a conscious decision whether or not I wanted to share it and to who. Likewise, if someone shared something with me I did not repeat it and if I felt the need to do so I would apply those same criteria to make a determination if to share. This includes disagreements I may have with friends. If it didn't fit then I would not share – simple.  Along those lines I also took into consideration what were my reasons or motives for sharing. 

Most people share stuff just because they can and give no thought to why they do it.  For example, back to that earlier phone call you got. The mere fact that they started out saying, “guess what I just heard”, you already know it’s not about needing any input or help resolving an issue. For me, my sharing is predicated on whether or not I need input or help resolving an issue. This simple principle has significantly reduced my number of altercations to zero and has served to strengthen my trust factor among my friends. Oddly enough I don’t seem to be that lucky where my business is concerned as there are those who do not afford me the same courtesy or consideration before repeating things I say.

What really gets me is the seemingly unconcern attitude some people, who make it their life’s work to bring and carry news, have as they give no thought to their actions. I used to find it odd that when engaged in conversation with someone that they would say to me, “don’t say anything” or "just between you and me" just before they divulged some piece of information. I would give them a confused look at the time, which usually got lost on them. The first few times they would say it, I would quickly let them know that I felt insulted that they would think I would repeat any part of their conversation and that I was not in the habit of repeating conversations with others especially when it had no bearing on me, my situation, or my life. However, that seemed to make little difference to them as they would continue to utter their disclaimer in future conversations.  I guess the fact that I never uttered a disclaimer of my own during my conversations left me open/vulnerable to having my words repeated. So I should not have been surprised when parts of my conversation came back to me. I just took it for granted that a conversation between two people was just that, between two people. As time went by, I learned that was not necessarily true. Lucky for me I had made it a point to only discuss things I did not care about or what I had already shared with the person in question. That way when they hear it, they can say "Oh, I already know. She told me." That was my mechanism to control or curtail confrontations.

Despite my best efforts, I find that some people still felt the need to share the contents of my conversation with others. Just the other day I was speaking to this lady and I casually mentioned to her that I was a little apprehensive about meeting this “new person”. In our next conversation she mentioned that she had spoken to the “new person” and mentioned my apprehension to meeting her. All I could do was shake my head.  As far as I was concerned, I did not give her any message to deliver for me. That she felt the need to mention it to the “new person” is beyond my comprehension. While I don’t think it was done with malicious intent, the fact that she did not think twice about doing it says a lot about her character.  

A lot of confrontations and issues that arises as a result of gossip can be avoided if people would simply think twice before repeating the contents of conversations. I’m not saying you shouldn't talk about you or what you talk about, but when engaged in conversation it would do you good to think of the conversation in terms of the Vegas disclaimer - what is being said should stay unsaid. I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you?)i(

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Relationship - Rejection

Rejection can be an awful feeling regardless of the source. No one likes to be rejected but at some point or time in your life you may have or will experience it. If you live long enough, it is inevitable that it will happen to you. It may be from a job you applied for, or it may be from a potential spouse you have been pursuing. Either way, the feeling of knowing that someone does not find you suitable can be a devastating feeling and the intensity can be magnified depending on how much you have invested. Most times than not though, when you are rejected your first inclination is to think that it is a negative reflection on you.

For some you may feel a sense of failure followed by questions of why you didn't make the cut, especially if there is no real explanation for the decision. For example, you may have received a vague letter from that potential employer that simply said, “After careful consideration we have decided to go with another candidate.” What does that really mean? Are they saying that you didn't interview well, or that you lack the knowledge, skills, and ability to perform the job requirements? Truth is you may never really know what their true reasons were for not selecting you, but instead of making it a bad thing why not turn it into a positive? Perhaps they already had a pre-selected candidate but they went through the motions to satisfy labor laws, or they may have not been prepared to meet your salary requirements. More importantly, perhaps fate has something bigger or better lined up for you.

What if the rejection came from a potential spouse who may have told you or showed you that they were not interested? You may be tempted to think that maybe you were not pretty or handsome enough or that there is something else about you that they did not like. Sometimes it may have more to do with their own insecurities more so than you. Meaning that they may feel that you are too pretty or too handsome and that you may cheat on them because they believe that they don’t have what it takes to keep you interested. Or it can simply be that you really don’t possess the qualities or attributes they are looking for. Again, you may never learn why they have no interest, but instead of thinking the worst why not turn it into a positive? It could be that they realized that you are not someone they can easily get over on or play around with so they opted not to pursue you. Or they may realize that they don’t have what it takes or are not on the same level as you. Whatever the reason people have for not selecting you really doesn't matter. What matters is how you perceive it and how you deal with it. If someone does not choose you it’s their lost.

Let’s face it; no one likes to be rejected regardless of the situation. However and quiet frankly, it is not the end of the world. Do yourself a favor and stop trying to figure out why. Instead, why not focus on you? You already know what your strengths and weaknesses are. If you like something about you, embrace it. Don’t like something about you, change it. Develop a set of standards that is a reflection of who you are and stick with it. Don’t allow other people’s perception of you to dictate your feelings. Keep in mind that you may not have control over whether or not you are rejected, but you do have control over how you chose to handle it. Love on yourself and be the best person you know how to be. I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you?)i(

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Valentine’s Day – It’s not just for her

For years I've not been a big fan of Valentine’s Day and it’s not just because I have not been in a relationship for a while but more to do with my early knowledge of the history behind the holiday. This holiday event came about originally from the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, which was a very ancient, possibly pre-Roman pastoral festival, observed on February 13 through 15 to avert evil spirits and purify the city, releasing health and fertility (Wikipedia). But like most pagan holidays which were renamed or dedicated to early Christian martyrs, Lupercalia was renamed in honor of Saint Valentine, a Roman clergy who lived in the 3rd century and who was persecuted and eventually killed/beheaded because he refused to support the ban on marriage. There are also stories of mass murders which also occurred around that time. While there are lots of people out there who do not celebrate Valentine’s Day for this very reason, there are others who choose not to because it is against their religion, i.e., Jehovah Witnesses. Then there are still a huge part of the population who chooses to celebrate the holiday either out of ignorance (they don’t know the history of the holiday) or because the origination of the holiday is irrelevant to them.  And yet there are others, who even knowing the history of the holiday, are still advocates for love and thus welcome the opportunity to show their devotion to the person they are involved with, especially on this day. Either way this is a huge day for merchants. There are reports that people were out in groves days leading up to the 14^th buying up cards, flowers, teddy bears, candies, and anything else that remotely represents love.

I’m not sure how this became a holiday event where women were lead to believe that it’s all about them, but it seems like for as long as I can remember boys/men were the ones dishing out the “love” on Valentine’s Day. But isn't that a bit one-sided? Don’t men desire expressions of love too? Granted that some men may turn their nose up at “mushy” expressions of love, but I am sure deep down inside they would welcome the gesture. There are some who may argue that they don’t need a specific day to show that they love their mate and/or, for that matter, that they expect expressions of love every day. While I agree that love should be expressed every day, the question then arises do they actually express their love to their mate every day? When was the last time you sent your man some flowers, gave him a card, or some other small trinket that signified how you feel about him just because? The truth is most women believe and expect Valentine’s Day to be all about her and maybe that was how it started out in the beginning. But with everything else, things evolve. So why not let this holiday evolve into a two-way street of expressive love where you both honor each other?

So if you have never done anything special for your man on Valentine’s Day to express your love and appreciation for him, may I suggest that you use this one as a starting point.  There is so much you can do to show him that you love and appreciate him. While you should be doing these things throughout the relationship, here are just a few suggestions. You can: send him some flowers – your local florist would be happy to help you select a nice arrangement that is masculine specific/appealing; give him a card or write him a personal note that expresses how you feel about him and what having him in your life means to you; cook him his favorite meal if you know how to cook. If you don't order "take-out" and put it on your best china and when you are sitting across the table from him, be sure to be wearing something nice that is easy on his eyes; make him a bubble bath and add some rose peddles or scented oil to the water; give him a foot or back massage with some exotic oil just before turning in for the night; take  a trip together to an "adult" novelty store and pick out something naughty that the two of you can both enjoy, and finally wear a sexy teddy or lingerie in his favorite color to bed, it may just extend your evening. Not only will he get his, but you may get yours too - lol. Remember, these are just some suggestions. You know your man better than I do, so you may already have other ideas you know he would like. If not, brainstorm. I’m sure you will come up with something. 

Bottom-line, Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love and relationships regardless of it's origin, and while you should be showing your love and affection to each other every day, it’s kind of nice to have a special day to honor that love. So for those of you who say you don’t need a special day to celebrate your love, think of it like this: it’s like celebrating your birthday, hopefully you celebrate life every day, but you look forward to your birthday to celebrate your birth; or like your wedding anniversary, hopefully you celebrate your union every day, but you look forward to your anniversary date to celebrate your union. I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you?)i(

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