Healthcare - Atlanta Can’t Live without Grady – Really?

Just about everywhere I look these days I see Grady’s tagline, “Atlanta can’t live without Grady”. I wonder just how true that statement is. Who exactly is Grady serving and how effective is the treatment being given? You decide - picture this if you can. For days you have a squeezing, heavy sensation in your chest. Breathing is difficult to achieve and at times every breath is a labor of intense effort. Your lungs feels like there is something blocking your air-way and you are forced to breathe in through your mouth but have no trouble exhaling through your nose.  As uncomfortable as this is, you opt to wait a few days until your next appointment at the free clinic because you have no income or health insurance and you know a trip to the ER will result in a bill you cannot afford to pay.  Turns out your wait was for nothing because the doctor at the free clinic informs you that he is not equipped to handle your issue and refers you to the nearest ER.   

With referral in hand you hop on the Marta train and embark on a trip that will end at Grady Hospital. It’s a little after 3 o’clock in the afternoon when you walk through the entrance of the ER at Grady. You quickly go through the security check point and once deemed “not a threat” you were allowed to proceed to the registration counter. A quick glance around the room indicates this is going to be a while as just about every seat is occupied and so is most of the wall space around the room. You observe a couple of people sitting on the desk-top of a couple of abandoned cubbies which you suspect once were used for registration or consultation in the past.  While standing in line to register, you estimate there must be close to 60 people ahead of you but you make up your mind to wait because the free clinic doctor’s words was stuck on “replay” in your mind, “you need to get that checked out because it could be serious.”

After about 6-7 minutes of standing in line it’s your turn. You quickly scribble your name and social security number on the sign-in form and hand it to the nurse/attendant standing behind the portable computer station. Attempts to make eye contact with her to ask a question prove futile as she is busy having a conversation with the security guard. So you abandon that thought and set out to find a spot long the wall that you can claim as your own.  The further into the room you walk the more the stench in the room become more noticeable. Closer observations revealed that the majority of the occupants in the room appears to be homeless or suffering from some sort of mental illness.  Doesn’t seem to you that this ER is the first choice for those who had a choice. “Oh well, I’m already here”, you think to yourself as you walk pass a woman in a wheelchair that you swear is the source of the stench in the air.

Fifteen minutes into your wait you hear a nurse repeating a name that could be yours but the first name is “Gloria”. After no takers you decide to go ask if maybe they meant you instead, maybe they got your first name and the first name of your emergency contact person mixed up – it could happen.  Sure enough it was you. The nurse apologized saying he was just speaking to his sister “Gloria” on the phone and must have transposed it in his mind over mines.  No harm done, right - but you can’t help but wonder just when did he find time to chit chat with his sister with a room full of patients waiting to be seen by the doctor? You suspect its lapses like these which adds to the wait time especially since the interview process went by so quickly. Maybe he needed to get back to his sister to finish up their conversation.

  

Anyway, a quick interview which includes what brings you to the ER ensues, as well as a few screening questions to rule out Ebola exposure and you are sent back into the waiting room. By now your little space on the wall has been confiscated by a new comer and you are forced to wonder further back in the room. People are coughing, sneezing, and even drooling. Some patients, who appear to be regulars, are sporting face mask. Made you wish you could get your hands on one but that quickly got addressed when you observe another patient approach the registration nurse requesting one and was told those were for “special cases”.

Almost three hours has past and there was little to no activity so you decide between the pain in your back, the stench in the room, which is now almost unbearable, it was time to leave. As you walk towards the front of the room you heard your name called among others. The excitement that you were about to be seen quickly turned to disappointment as you were informed they were just doing a roll call to see who was still there. At that point you tried to get a sense of what number you were, but was told it’s had to say. So you decide to leave.  The whole train trip you kept hearing that doctor’s word in your head, “you need to get that checked out because it could be serious.” So you turn around and go back.  To your dismay, it does not look like anyone left the room but it’s hard to tell. You check in with the registration nurse who informed you she removed you from the list when you left. You ask to be put back on but you were interrupted by another woman who is wearing street clothes but appeared to be an employee that was leaving for the day. Even though she was sporting a name badge, it is hard to see just who she is.  She told the registration nurse you had to go through the registration process again because they can’t have people just walking in and out.  Ten minutes into your wait time your name gets called again to go through the registration process again, however this time the nurse takes your vitals and blood pressure unlike the first nurse. Seems they had a shift change in your absence. Interesting - looks like getting re-registered comes with some perks. It’s about 6:30 pm now.

By 9 o’clock you start second guessing your decision to return to the ER. You are still having difficulty breathing and the lack of fresh air was making it even more difficult to breath. You had already made a couple of trips outside to help flush your lungs with fresh air but was mindful to let the registration nurse know of your whereabouts, as well as made it a point not to be gone for too long. Just when you think you had reached your limit and was about to leave, hopefully for the last time, you hear your name called among a list of others. You were then instructed to stand in line outside a door that lead to the examining rooms.   Once everyone was accounted for and herded together, you are led through the doors and placed in yet another waiting area. This time the room was much smaller and had just enough chairs for everyone in the group.  A few minutes later someone came and called each person’s name and took them individually to an examining room. As you enter the examining room you notice it resembles a hospital room setting except there was no bed or cot only a lonely chair that was facing the TV on the wall. Closer examination of the room reveals the floor could use a good moping. You clutch your purse and pray for this to be the beginning of the end. By now you realize the battery on your cellphone has gotten low and you don’t have a charger – damn.

A nurse assistant came in and asked you a lot of similar screening questions that you had already answered before in registration.  She shares that someone will be in shortly to examine you but in the meantime she would like to gain my consent for AIDS testing which was being offered free and confidential. At this point you don’t really care so you say “okay”. Shortly after that a “doctor-in-training” comes in and ask you the very same questions as the nurse assistant. Not wanting to appear rude you answer anyway hoping this will soon be over. You are told they will be running some test to try and identify the cause of your issues.

Okay let’s fast forward to 12:45 am. You are sitting in a larger waiting room within the examination area with 2 dozen or so other patients. Looking around, you get the feeling that this is a makeshift treatment center for the homeless/mentally ill, as everyone around you is either getting a shot, placed on oxygen, or given some sort of oral medication. Everyone except you. You are sitting directly across from the treatment supply room and you observe everyone going into that room using the same access code “1234”. “How safe is that?” you think to yourself – “no accountability for sure.” You shake your head as though trying to dismiss that thought from your head and quickly return your attention to your current situation. You've given blood, had your chest x-rayed, and had an EKG yet no word as to what could be wrong or the results of said tests. Knowing Marta will soon stop running you approach the nurses’ station looking for answers. The first nurse was fast asleep so you turn your attention to the other nurse who didn’t seem to be as busy only to be told, “You have to wait for the test results to come back.” You insist you need to go now because you have not eaten or drank anything since you first got there at 3:00 that afternoon. After much insisting that you can’t wait any more, you are told you can check yourself out but you need to sign a waiver “in case you end up dying.” However, they could not figure out how to get an electronic copy for you to sign, after a few tries by a few people they finally get it sorted out but just when you were about to sign it another nurse comes over and in a kinder, gentle manner convinces you to give it a little more time. “Besides,” she point s out, “Marta has already stopped running.”

At 2:45 am test results are back but they want to run a few more tests. No one is saying what tests are being run or what they are looking for. By now your ride has arrived and they send you into another examination room to get test results. This time there is a bed but the cleanliness of the room was no better than the first waiting area. A trip to the bathroom leaves a lot to be desired as it too could use a good cleaning. Smells like urine and the floor is sticky under your feet. Paper product (toilet paper and paper towel) is missing from the equation. Maybe you can just hold it til you get home but who knows when that will be. So you relieve yourself being careful not to touch anything. You made it back to the room with time to spare as the nurse has yet to show up.  Finally after what seems like forever the nurse comes in the room and shares that all your test results were negative – whatever that means – but they want to run two more tests. 20 minutes go by and no one comes to take the blood for those last set of tests so you go to the makeshift lab where they first took your blood to see if you can expedite the process which you did. Another 40 minutes goes by with nothing so you go to the nurses’ station again and this time you are adamant about needing to leave.

At 3:45 am – roughly twelve hours after you first walked through the ER doors you've had enough. No communication from staff, just a whole lot of waiting, so you decided it’s time to go. At checkout they print out their description of what you came in for and wrote a prescription for Robitussin DM. Oddly enough, there was no mention of a “waiver” this time, only the promise from the nurse to call you at 7:30 in the morning before she leaves to give you an update on the results of your tests – a call that never came.  Two days later you discover from searching your symptoms on the internet that you possibly have an upper respiratory infection which requires antibiotics. The next week you walk into the free clinic, share your self-diagnosis with the doctor and after his examination you leave with prescription in hand. Three weeks after that you get a bill from Grady for $4,500. You spend another few weeks trying to get the bill reduced. A trip to their financial assistance department with proof of no income gains you a Grady card which reduces the bill to $80, but it may as well be $800 cause you still don't have it.  You remind them that you have no income, no medical insurance, and no way to pay the bill.  You are told the only people who can get free health care are those who are homeless or lives with someone else. Since you are none of those things you have to pay the bill or it will go to collections. You count out $9 in change and take it to the finance office and made small payment as you can but, your name still get sent to collection as 30-days later you get a notice from the bill collection department in Florida.

I've heard that Grady is undergoing some major image reconstruction and even have made some physical upgrades in the hospital. I’m guessing you have to have some big bucks to be able to get into that part of the hospital or perhaps it just does not include the ER. Either way the scenario above is real and from what I can tell the treatment rendered does not convey a system that cares. If this is how Grady is treating their patients and they think this is “good health care” that Atlanta cannot live without, then someone needs to let them know they have missed the mark. Regardless of your economic status or whether or not you have health insurance, everyone deserves to receive good health care in a clean efficient setting, and in a timely manner. Healthcare that includes regular communications about what they think is wrong, the tests they are running and what those test results show. 12-14 hours of waiting around in a hospital ER to get treated is not acceptable - regardless of the nature of the illness. It would have been better for them to let the patient know they could not be seen and send them on their way.  Atlanta may not be able to live without Grady, but I can. I’m just saying. I got issues – what about you?)i(

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 The views and opinions shared here are by the Author and are the property of Todos Escribe. 

Racial Slip Ups - Watch Your Mouth

Okay, is it just me or does it seem like some people feel they can say whatever they want about anyone with no regards for what they say or possible repercussions? Seems like every time I turn around the news is buzzing about some celebrity or public figure who “done gone and put their foot in their mouth” without thinking of the consequences. Then as soon as they are taken to task or their bottom-line is affected they suddenly get a conscious and apologizes.  

Do you remember John Rocker who was a pitcher for the Atlanta Braves? He’s known for making lots of derogatory statements during his career.  Like when he referred to his African-American teammate as a "fat monkey" or when Sports Illustrated published an article in their December 27, 1999 edition that quoted him as responding to the question as to whether he would ever play for the New York Yankees or the New York Mets. He said, “I'd retire first. It's the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the 7 Train to the ballpark looking like you're riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing... The biggest thing I don't like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?” Yeap, he was an equally opportunity offender.

Then there was Danny Ferry, General Manager for the Atlanta Hawks who was in the hot seat for his racially insensitive comments about free-agent Luol Deng. Ferry was reported to have said that Deng “has a little African in him. Not in a bad way, but he's like a guy who would have a nice store out front but sell you counterfeit stuff out of the back.” Pretty hard to overlook that one, especially when it was recorded.

I’m sure you remember Paula Deen who was the target of a lawsuit alleging racial and sexual discrimination.  It was alleged she made derogatory remarks regarding African Americans in the presence of a female employee whose nieces are bi-racial with an African-American father. While the lawsuit was dropped, the effects of the scandal lasted a while.  To the point Paul’s empire crumbled around her. Nothing brings you faster to your knees than people boycotting your business and you.

Oh and what about Donald Sterling? You remember him right? He was the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers who made some real racist remarks to his then girlfriend, Rochelle Stein, about Magic Johnson last year. That one was a dozy. There was a media frenzy for weeks on that one.

I can go on and on but I’ll stop with this most recent example of this epidemic which occurred after the Oscars last month when Giuliana Rancic made a comment about Zendaya Coleman’s hairstyle. I did not hear the comment first hand but what I gathered is that Giuliana insinuated that Zendaya‘s hair smelt like weed. Whatever it was that she actually said or insinuated it was enough to create a stir and she was taken to task for her comment – way to go America!! Like all the other offenders before her, she would quickly offer a half-ass apology that, by any standard, did very little to undo her comment never mind make Zenday, or anyone else for that matter, forget what was said.

What I don’t understand is how people can be so insensitive to others. What make them feel they can just open their mouth and not police what comes out of it? The more I think about it the only explanation I can come up with is it is because that is how they truly feel. Out of the heart the mouth speaks - Luke 6:45. When people say stuff, regardless of what it is, I tend to take into consideration that what they say is directly link to how they think and feel.  With that being said, if that is how they feel then they should not insult our intelligence by then offering an apology only because their pocket or reputation is affected by their comment. They should be prepared to stand behind what they said at all cost. Truth is had no one taken them to task or their livelihood was not affected, they would walk off into the sunset without a care or second thought about what they said. Everyone, no matter who they are, has a moral responsibility to check their thoughts before their mouth opens to release those thoughts. They also need to be prepared to deal with the consequences of their words.

As a society we have a moral obligation to send a message to the John Rocker, Danny Ferry, Paula Deen, Donald Sterling, and Giuliana Rancic of the world – that we will not tolerate their insensitivity to others and will not accept their half ass apology because it’s not sincere. I offer that their apology was only done as a publicity stunt to help counter the negative feedback their comment generated or to stop the financial bleeding. I say, no matter who it is, anyone who offends another person with racially insensitive comments, even if they claim it was a joke, should suffer the consequences and be taught a lesson they won’t soon forget. I bet if their financial assets or career suffered because of their thoughtless comment, it will not only ensure they never do or say something insensitive again but will also be a deterrent for anyone else who would be so incline to be just as insensitive. If you are man/woman enough to share your views about others, then be man/woman enough to accept the consequences of your convictions.  I’m just saying. I got issues – what about you?)i(

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 The views and opinions shared here are by the Author and are the property of Todos Escribe. 

He Said She Said - Avoiding the Pitfall

As I've gotten older, very little people do pisses me off anymore. However, there is one thing that still gets to me – it’s when people accuse me of doing or saying things that I didn't do or say. Like the other day I got a call from a male friend who just got back from a trip. The conversation started off with pleasantries then he asked if I knew someone called "Jill". My first response was "no" but as he repeated the name I flipped through my mental friend/acquaintance list and came up with one possibility. I threw the full name at him including some known aliases and he confirmed we were speaking of the same person.  Oddly enough “Jill” had opted to end our friendship of three years after an incident involving her nephew and a car situation last year – he sold me a lemon and refused to refund my money. I had reached out to her hoping she could convince him to give me back my money, but she refused, saying she didn't want “to get involved” even though she was the one who referred me to him.  Fortunately for me the facts were stacked up against him and the situation worked out in my favor thus allowing me to recover my money.

Anyway, I was a bit confused as to why her name would come up as I had no idea he knew her. My friend seemed a bit hesitant to proceed so I encouraged him to just spit it out. I must confess I was very curious as to why he would ask if I knew her.  After some prompting he revealed that somehow this "Jill" person had connected with his wife and shared a lot of information about their marriage that she allegedly claimed came from me.

 Instantly I was pissed off. First because I had no recollection of discussing him or his wife with this person let alone their marriage.  Yes it is possible that she saw a picture of him and his wife in my home and I may have shared who they were if she asked me, but to gossip the ins and outs of their marriage let alone divulge information he had shared with me in confidence, didn't happen. He said a lot but it was more of what he didn't say that spoke volume as to the motive behind this unsolicited exchange of information. The more he talked the more I was convinced that this was just a ploy by his wife to stir up some mess to cause discord in our friendship.  

Truth is his wife did not approve of our friendship and she may even feel threatened because she did not understand the nature of the friendship.  I tried to explain to her that our friendship was strictly platonic as he was a friend of my daughter. However she could not wrap her brain around that concept. If she had only taken the time to get to know me she would realize that I have certain standards and moral values which prevents me from becoming romantically involved with ex-lovers of any female in my circle regardless of the relationship, i.e., aunt, sister, cousin, daughter, etc.

My friend also shared that his wife claimed that this ex-friend of mines threw me under the bus in the worst way by revealing everything and anything she knew about me. It’s important that you know that this was a person that I had opened my home to, confided in, and trusted. How could she turn on me like this especially when the termination of the friendship was based on her decision over actions done to me by her nephew and not a direct result of our interactions? While this revelation upset me, I was mature enough to see it for what it was – an attempt by my friend’s wife to discredit me as a friend thus hoping to destroy our friendship.  

Truth is all she really did was strengthen the friendship as well as reminded me that no matter how strong I think my friendships are, they all have the potential to end badly as well as leaving me vulnerable to my business being exposed. The fact of the matter is that not everyone is mature enough to resist the urge to create havoc after a friendship ends. The need to resort to childish mudslinging tactics is sometimes too much for them to resist. While I have enough to do some “mudslinging’ of my own, I opted not to stoop to their level. All I can do is pray that in time those that chose to walk away from my friendship, then attempt to hurt me with their words, will become mature enough to appreciate what a great friend I was to them. In the meantime I will continue to be a great friend to the people currently in my circle and pray they are mature enough not to turn on me should the friendship end.

While I’m tempted to guard my heart with all diligence to the point where I “trust no one”, “confide in no one”, and “reveal nothing to anyone”, I have to remember that the vast majority of my friendships span over three decades and are built on mutual trust.  Besides, I can’t let just one person out of a few who chose to try and hurt me after the friendship ended to mess it up for the countless others who reveres me as a great friend.  My track record shows that I am a great friend – loyal, reliable, trustworthy, and dependable. At one point I had to remind myself that I have no control over the people in my circle or what they choose to do with the information they have acquired about me.  All I can do is continue to live my life the best way I know how and that includes being the best friend I know how to be because at the end of the day, the only person I have control over is me and the only true testament I have to the type of friend I am is how I choose to conduct myself during the friendship as well as long after the friendship ends.  I may still get a little pissed off when people lie on me, but I can chose to not let it change me. I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you?)i( #IGotIssues #Friendship #Gossip #Loyalty 

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 The views and opinions shared here are by the Author and are the property of Todos Escribe. 

I’m Eternally Grateful… Thank you

In February this year I came dangerously close to losing my home. It seemed despite my best planning I had fallen behind on my mortgage payments by five months. Of course there was the matter of me losing my job three years prior, coupled with my being hit by a tow truck in 2012 which rendered it impossible for me to seek and/or gain employment. With no income and my savings depleted, things quickly went south. I had literally run out of money. Looking at my situation I had no options opened to me, or so I thought. With no idea as to how I would be able to work this out, short of winning the lottery, I turned to my faith as I usually did, but this time I was desperate. Nothing brings you to your knees quicker than the thought of being homeless. Where would I go? I could not move in with my daughter. Her resources were already stretched beyond belief and space was limited on account of her seven children. Moving back to the island was also not an option either as I sold that house a few years ago to help sustain my living expenses. Honestly, it looked grim. 

While I had told myself that I had given my situation over to God and not to worry, there were still days that the thought of losing my home was so overwhelming I could not get out the bed, but God. He uses who He will to propel you into action. I remember it like it was just yesterday. It was Thursday February 20^th. I was in bed fast asleep when something unexpectedly happened – my cell phone rang. Yeah, I don’t get a lot of calls especially at 7:30 in the morning. I must have forgotten to set my DND (do not disturb) the night before. By the time I reached over to answer it, the person was transferred to voicemail. “Oh well” I thought. “Guess they can just leave a message.” I quickly abandoned the act of reaching for the phone and went back to sleep.  When I checked my message later that morning I discovered the identity of my early morning caller. It was Ms. Hillary. She said she was just checking on me. Said she woke up with me in her spirits and wanted to know if I was ok. I’m familiar with that feeling as it’s happened to me several times where God places someone in my spirit. To truly understand the magnitude of this call you first need to know that while Ms. Hillary is a friend whom I met through a mutual friend, we are not close. Meaning we aren’t bosom buddies. We don’t chit chat on the phone on a regular and we are definitely not involved in each other’s lives. Our interactions are limited to the occasional run it at a friend’s function or party. She is an awesome woman of God with whom I share the love for God and we have good conversation when they occurred, but not to the point where she would know I was in distress.  The fact that she was calling me to check on me was curious in and of itself but I know now that it was God’s intervention. 

Upon returning the call I shared with her some of my hardships with finding employment and my health challenges, but stopped short of telling her about my mortgage situation. After all, I am a private person. She did not need to know that part.  The thing about God is, he already knows what you need before you needed it. He does not need to reveal to people in His service the intricate details of your situation to get them to move on His behalf. All they need to know is that God dropped you in their spirit and they just need to be obedient to make contact and fill the void as needed. Side bar: Too many times people feel that they have to share all the details about their situation when they are requesting prayer. Newsflash, God already knows the details. Nobody else needs to know. All they need to do is lift your name up in prayer and ask God to meet you at your need, whatever it is. Most times people just want to know the details of your situation to satisfy their own curiosity, but it is not required because God already knows what you need and that is all that counts. He just needs a few faithful people to join their faith with yours to move Him to do for you what you cannot do for yourself. Period!  

Ok, back to our regularly scheduled program – lol. She went on to say that she had no idea I was going through as I am always cheerful and looked like all was well when she saw me.  So at the end of the call she proceeded to pray for me. She then offered to send me a few dollars through Venmo to help. I was reluctant to accept but did so anyway. True to her word within minutes of downloading the app on my phone I got a notification that she had sent me some money. It was not a lot but it was enough to bring tears to my eyes. It was touching to me because I’m usually the one on the giving end of generosity. What a feeling to be on the receiving end of unsolicited kindness. By the end of the day a thank you card was in the mail to her. As I sat on the edge of my bed reliving what had transpired I remembered a heart to heart conversation I had with God the night before. I told Him I knew He had a plan and to please reveal it to me. Then I was hit with a very unorthodox thought – why not ask my friends and family for help? Seemed simple enough right? Not so. The thing you need to understand about me is that, and my friends and family members will attest to this, I am incredibly self-sufficient. Well as self sufficient as anyone can be who trust in God for their strength and ability to gain wealth. People who know me will tell you that if I ever ask for help, it is because I cannot do it for myself and have run out of options and asking for money, oh that almost never happens. Up until then, the times I have asked for help was few and far in between if not less. Needless to say I struggled with that idea for the rest of the day, but when I thought of the prospect of losing my home of 17 years because I let my pride prevent me from asking for help, I gave in to the idea. That and the realization that Ms. Hillary's call was orchestrated by God.

I spent the rest of the day and night working out the details of the “ask.” The approach was very important. Do I ask for a loan or do I just ask them to sow a seed into my life? The amount I needed was a big factor in the “ask” decision as it was nothing to sneeze at. I already knew I would not be able to pay back that amount anytime soon and the last thing I wanted to do was owe folks. Shoot, I don’t even like it when people owed me money. It’s the fasted surest way to kill a friendship.  My mom used to say she don’t lend what she can’t afford to lose. Meaning, she already made up her mind that the amount she gave would not affect her financial ability to take care of her needs if she does not get the money back. Knowing I had no way of knowing for sure when I would have some sort of steady income, it was an easy decision to make. I would just share the amount I needed and ask people to give what they can towards it. This way there is no set amount and people won’t feel locked in to an amount. I wanted it to be feasible for people to understand that any amount was acceptable.  So the next morning I had a clear idea of what I was going to say. I composed the following and sent to to my friends and family via text or email. Then I waited.

What happened next is still unbelievable to me. The responses I got were awesome. Within minutes my cell phone was inundated with text messages and phone calls. People were genuinely concerned about my situation. One friend took issue with me to the point he asked why I waited for it to get so bad. He reminded me that he was my friend for more than 25 years and I should feel comfortable by now asking him for help. He pointed out that we had spoken often and I never let on I was in need. He told me it was time for me to stop trying to do it alone. I received $150 from him within minutes of that conversation ending, but not before he offered me a loan. He said that the $150 was all he had to give but if I wanted a loan that could be arranged. Of course I shared my hesitation to accept his offer citing my uncertainty on when I would be able to repay the debt and gracefully declined.

Overall, the responses I got were mixed. There were those who wanted more information about my situation before committing to sending me anything. I happily shared. Then there were those who responded simply that they could not help and yet others who did not respond at all.  Truth is the “no’s” and "non-responses" taunted me for a bit but as time went by I resolved those feelings, especially after I spoke to one friend whom I thought for sure would have come to my rescue but she never even acknowledge my request. Being the “no nonsense” "straight shooter" kind of woman that I am, I called her up to see if she had received my email. She told me yes, she did get the email but she thought it was a hoax. She further shared with me that there were just too many stories going around about people’s email accounts that were hacked and then people in their contact receiving messages from the hackers posing as their friend and requesting money. She also said the request was made even more unbelievable because it was from me. I was reminded that during our more than 30 years of friendship; I had only asked her for a loan once and that was over 20 years ago. To her, it just did not seem plausible that I would chose to send an email to ask for money after all these years.   That bit of information was very enlightening to me. It brought to light email the first time I decided to do so. ever asked her for money. It just did not seem plausible th a scenario that up until that point I had not considered. So I quickly made peace in my mind with those I had placed on my “questionable” list. This information prompted me to make a few calls to some of the non-responders, however I still received a “no” to my request. No worries.  I was not discouraged.

In the end, I got exactly what I needed to save my home. Some people sent me $10, $20, or $50 while others sent me hundreds. One person sent me $1,631.76. I thought it was a very odd amount. So when I called to thank them for their gift, (gratitude card also followed to them and the other 16 of my benefactors) I asked why that amount. They said they had just collected on a debt and just passed it on to me. The point I’m trying to share here is that it’s not so much about how much each person gave me, but more about the fact that they gave something. The lessons I took away from this situation were many including that I needed to work on my "pride" fault. But the single most important lesson I got was this. When people are in need, they won’t turn down any help, no matter how small. Those who chose not to help may very well have their reasons for not doing so and that’s ok. Just as important are those who chose not to respond at all. Whatever their reasons are for not responding I have released them. Fact is, God used who He needed to use to bring about the results I needed. I sent out over 30 requests, only 17 people rose to the call. I just realized that the number of people who sent me money is the same as the number of years I’ve lived in my home and the date of my birth – 17, which when simplified is the number 8 – new beginnings. How fitting is that – wow.

Bottom-line is I am forever grateful to those who gave but more so to those who did not. Their actions showed me that they were just as much a factor in this equation as those who did give. Maybe it was not for them to give to me at that time, or maybe they were disobedient and missed the opportunity for God to bless them for their obedience.  I guess I will never really know for sure, but what I do know is that there are 17 people out there who are forever in my prayers and for which they will reap the benefits of their obedience for sowing into my life. IJS – I got Issues, what about you?)i(

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Self-Preservation – A Hard Lesson to Learn

At times I'm faced with some difficult choices and the choice I make may not be the most popular one but it is what's best for me - at the time. In the not so distant past I didn't always choose what was best for me. I was more concerned with ensuring the comfort and well-being of others than I was with my own comfort and well-being. Everyone's needs superseded mines. Maybe it was my unconscious desire to be accepted or to be liked - I don't know for sure. But what I do know for sure is that experience has thought me that I am no good to anyone, especially myself, if I don't take care of me first. It took a while but I finally get it.  It's like when you are on an airplane and the flight attendant informs you of the safety guidelines at the beginning of the flight.

There's that part where she mentions that "in the event that the cabin loses air pressure that oxygen masks would drop from the compartment above your seat." She advises that you secure your mask first before attempting to help the person next to you, more specifically a small child or elderly person who may be traveling with you. I must admit that I struggled with that concept for years. It made no sense to me that you would not help them before attending to yourself. My innate instinct would be to secure the mask on the child/elderly person first then see to mines. In fact that has been my personal method of operation for years. Always taking care of and seeing to the needs of others before my own and at times to my own detriment. Even now I still struggle with denouncing that concept and it's hard.  I have to remind myself daily to take care of me first.

As a mother, as a wife, as a grandmother, as a friend, as a daughter, as a sister, and as a girlfriend  it was hard for me not to reach out and extend my resources to try to fill a void in the lives of those close to me and at times complete strangers. I recall many times standing in line in a store and the person in front of me would not have enough for their purchase and they would asked the cashier to remove items to make it add up to the amount of money they had, if not less. Without thinking I would intervene by offering to pay the difference so they could be on their way. I know what you are thinking and the answer is "no" - I've never been on the receiving end of that gesture but it didn't matter because it's not about me. It was about filling a void for others. I know firsthand the challenges life brings and if I can help someone else get through, that made me happy. My selfless, unconditional willingness to extend my resources to help others made me a great asset to those in my circle.

Recently I learned a very hard but valuable lesson about helping people. Without going into details I will share that sometimes people have a way of taking advantage of your kindness and it can end up costing you your friendship - among other things. Maybe one day I'll share the details but for today I just want to reiterate the need to take care and watch out for yourself. Don't stop helping people but use every precaution when you do. Contrary to what I thought before this situation happened to me, trust is not something that should be given to everyone. How you chose to dispense of it should be done with discretion and caution.

Some say you're never too old to learn. Yet there are still some who say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Well I'm no dog so I'll embrace the "never too old to learn" bit as it's more appropriate.  They also say the longer you live the more you learn. This too is also very appropriate. As I said before, life has taught me some very valuable lessons and while I'm still not opposed to helping others who are in need I now chose to protect my resources and myself by taking care of me first. It’s called self-preservation and I am learning to embrace it. I’m just saying - I got issues.  What about you?)i( #IGotIssues #SelfPreservation #LessonsLearned

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Let it Go

At times it seems like despite your best efforts bad things still happen to you and sometimes it's not even your fault. As humans we tend to look for someone to blame for our negative experiences and most times than not we blame someone close to us, be it a parent, a sibling, a friend, or a significant other. Other times we blame ourselves. Truth is, it is inevitable that bad things will occur at no fault of your own or anyone else's for that matter. The trick is not to become so boggled down by those negative experiences to the point that it keeps you from enjoying life or allowing it to cause a rift between you and the people in your life.  No one is perfect, although I like to think I come pretty close, and as long as you have life you will be faced with challenges.  Most of what happens to us is out of our control, i.e., job lost due to company downsizing, falling behind on some payments, getting molested as a child, getting raped as an adult, getting shot while waiting in line at the bank, recording deal falling through because they went with another artist, significant other cheated, significant other took you for everything you worked so hard to accumulate including the kitchen sink, got rear-ended by someone while driving, someone near and dear to you died unexpectedly, etc. The list is endless, however while you may not have chosen the circumstances you have experienced and will experience, you do get to choose how those challenges/circumstances will impact your life.

You can choose to be broken hearted and hold negative thoughts to the point it cripples your very existence, i.e., your health, your relationships, etc.; or you can choose to let it go and embrace life and all it has to offer and trust that it will all work out for the best eventually. Regardless of what has happened to you in the past you only have today, because tomorrow is not promised. I once read some place that there is no such thing as tomorrow because when it comes it's actually today. The only way you can visit tomorrow, or yesterday for that matter, is in your mind. Your mind is the bridge which keeps you trapped in your past or propels you into your future without actually being there. It is your mind that keeps you from enjoying today. 

Think about it for a minute. What thoughts are going through your mind that keeps you up at nights? It may be thoughts of your inability to pay a bill that is not yet due; thoughts of a spouse who may have cheated in the past and the possibility that they may do it again in the future; thoughts of how you can secure a nicer car or a bigger house base on your earning potential, thoughts of something that happened in the past or something that can possibly happen in the future. We are held hostage by our thoughts. I challenge you to shake up the monotony in your life by forgetting about the past and focusing on today. Live for today and don't waste time dwelling on yesterday or tomorrow because you can't do anything about either of them but you have total control over today. Nothing else matters except today, i.e., what you will eat today, what you will wear today, who you love today, who loves you today, etc. Do yourself a favor and let the past go.

Right now where you are, take a moment to reflect on your state of mind right now. What ill feelings are you holding on to? What negative experience has sucked the joy out of your life to the point you lost your zeal for life? What’s keeping you from embracing the people in your life completely? What negative experiences are you attributing as someone else's fault or even your own? 

Now take a deep breath – hold it – one, two, three, exhale slowly and with it let go of all the negative energy that you have been bottling up for so long. Make a conscious effort to release those negative thoughts and feelings. Release yourself and whoever else you might be blaming for those negative experiences as well. 

Give yourself permission to forgive yourself and whoever else you have been blaming for those negative experiences. Let go of those negative thoughts and think happy thoughts. Your thoughts shape your life and draws whatever you are thinking to you. If you want love and prosperity, then think those thoughts and leave the negative thoughts out the equation. I'm just saying - I got issues. What about you?)i( #IGotIssues #LetItGo #ForgiveOthers #ForgiveYourself

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