I Ain’t Your Mamma – Really?

I was listening to the radio the other day when this song came on. For the life of me, At the time I had no clue who sang it or what the name of it was (I've since learned that it is a song by Jennifer Lopez called I Ain't Your Mama). While I loved the crazy dance beat, the lyrics left a lot to be desired. It went something like this; “Ain’t going to cook all day, I ain’t your mama. Ain’t going do your laundry, I ain’t your mama. Boy when you going to get your life together?...You lucky to have these curves…stop getting on my nerves.  I’m too good for that.” My first thought was “Really? That’s what’s wrong with relationships today.” Some women refuse to hold up their end in the relationship but still expect the man to hold up his. I am fully aware that in today’s society the traditional roles of a relationship has diminished if not been reversed.  Gone are the days when a man can expect to come home after a long hard day of work to find a hot plate of food waiting for him. However he can still expect his significant other to make demands that he take care of her financial needs. How is that fair? 

As a woman and a mother of a grown son I think it is still important for a woman to care for her man.  I did not raise my son to be a provider, protector, and defender of a woman who won’t even cook him a hot meal. Don’t get me wrong my son knows how to take care of himself. I taught him the basics he needs to know to clean, cook, and do his laundry, but I’ll be dammed if he will do all that for himself and still care for a woman who won’t do the basics for him. Why does he need to spend his hard earn money on someone who won’t do for him or who don’t care about being a help mate to him?

Yeah, yeah I know we are living in a different time but the last time I checked this mamma didn’t raise no fool. I offer to you that it’s not so much that times have changed as it is that some women have changed their views on what they think their role in a relationship is (and/or they simply don't know how to do those things. Meghan Trainor admitted in her song "Dear Future Husband" that she won't cook cause she never learned. I suspect that's true for a vast amount of women today. No surprise I discovered that Meghan Trainor wrote "I Ain't Your Mama". Go figure.) But back to my original thought. For whatever reason some women now believe it is beneath them to cater to their man but they still expect him to jump through hoops to give them what they want. How selfish! Just like how they have needs and expectations, so does he. What if he was to tell her in response to that song: “I’m not going to pay your rent, not going to pay to fix your hair or get your nails done...not going to spend all day chauffeuring you around. I am not your daddy…girl you better recognize”.

If you really think about it, we have grown into a nation where the current generation’s primary factor is the “me” factor. Some women want everything but are prepared to do nothing in a relationship except lay on their backs. How is that different from prostitution? In all fairness a man deserve a woman who will not only support and edify him, but who will also love and take care of him. Her love for him will make her want to cook, clean, and do his laundry. After all he is out there making the money she wants and needs to satisfy her financial needs. It’s a two way street and as soon as those women realize that the act of cleaning, cooking, and doing his laundry is not just a “mother’s” job, but an essential part of showing support of her man, the sooner she will experience harmony in their relationship. If she provides these basic duties for her man he is free to concentrate on the business of providing for her.  After all, a happy man is a generous man. I’m Just Saying. I got issues – what about you?)i(

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Attack on America - Orlando Night Club Shooting

I had just gotten in from a walk at Stone Mountain Park yesterday afternoon when I flipped on the TV. Normally it’s on CW 69 but I was watching the documentary OJ Simpson: Made in America the night before. Had it not been for that, I would have missed the breaking news even though it would end up looping all day long as I am not known for watching the news. “50 dead [including the shooter] and 53 injured in Orlando Gay Nightclub shooting.” I dropped to my knees in front the tv in shock. “What the heck,” I though. What in the world happened? As I stayed in that position, mostly because I literally could not move, those questions and more were answered. Apparently a lone gunman, Omar Mateen, went into Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, Florida and open fire on the occupants.  Future reporting called it “the worst mass shooting in modern history”, “the worst act of terrorism on American soil since Sept. 11, 2001”, and “the deadliest attack on a gay target in the nation’s history”.

Listening to President Obama speak on the shooting brought some comfort but not much as he said the FBI was investigating the matter and all available resources were being used to get more information about the shooter/shooting. However it looks like the FBI had already had several run-ins with Mr. Mateen. News report listed several troubling incidents where the FBI was investigating Mr. Mateen but dropped their investigation. They also report he exhibited some violence towards his ex-wife.

I may be wrong but it seems to me like all the individuals who were responsible for mass shooting all had some sort of run-in with authorities prior to the fatal day of their crime spree, i.e., Columbine shooters, movie theater shooter, Boston bombing, etc. Maybe the FBI need to start taking these “encounters” more seriously and not just dismiss the interest. If an individual popped up on their radar and it is enough for them to investigate them, then maybe they need to keep some sort of surveillance going until they are 100 percent certain these individuals do not serve a threat. Apparently their suspicions were not baseless and had they kept then under surveillance they may have been able to prevent these tragedy. Authorities need to try to figure out a way to nip these type incidents in the bud. I know they can’t know without a shadow of a doubt whether or not a person serves an immediate threat, but they need to look closer at potential suspects and do due diligence to deter these type of incidents. I would prefer they exhaust every resource available to curtail and detain a suspect than to have to live with the aftermath that not doing that due diligence brings about.

What is puzzling to me is how the shooter was able to get through security with his weapons. I’ve only been to clubs here in Georgia, but it’s been my experience that most club have some sort of security check in place to catch people who carry weapons on their person.  Maybe this club did not have that type screening in place but it seems that all clubs in the nation need to take a page from this incident and put in place a screening protocol to ensure this type incident does not occur.

We have become a nation of “re-actors” instead of “pro-actors”. It only takes one tragedy for authorities to take note and make a change. How many more people have to die before something is done to help deter these type of incidents? If we were asleep thinking this cannot happen in a club, this is a wake-up call to everyone to be more vigilant and watch out for not just yourself but for others around you. Right now we are not safe anywhere. Not our homes, not in schools, not in churches, not at the movie theaters, and now we can add nightclubs to that list. The phrase - “I am my brother’s keeper” - is more relevant now more so than ever. We have to look out for each other and do what we can to keep each other safe.

My heartfelt prayers and condolences go out to the victims and their family of the Orlando Nightclub tragedy.  I pray that as a nation we come together to devise a plan to prevent these type of senseless killing.  If we don’t, it will only be a matter of time before it reaches your door. I’m Just Saying. I got issues – what about you?)i(

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Clinton or Trump for President

The Donald’s Motives

With the last of the primaries wrapping up across the country, it is still anyone’s guess who will be the parties’ nominee for president. Well that was my thought before breaking news revealed that Ted Cruz dropped out of the race after Trump took Indiana in today’s primary elections.  So now it’s down to who will be the Democratic Party’s nominee. According to a recent CNN poll “84% of voters’ nationwide think Donald Trump will lead the Republican ticket in November, while 85% say the same about Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton.” If this poll is to be believed then the question then becomes who will win the Presidency – Clinton or Trump? Better yet, was this all just a set up? Was Donald Trump’s motive for running for president just a ploy to weed out the tough candidates that Hillary Clinton could not stand up against on her own?

I must admit that plot was revealed to me by my mom. My mom is a pretty savvy woman who pays attention to things others may over look. I was speaking to her a few weeks ago when she brought the subject up. She reminded me of back in 1996 when Bill Clinton was running for President against President Bush. Remember Ross Perot? Henry Ross Perot, known as Ross Perot, is an American businessman who was best known for being the Reform Party’s presidential candidate in 1996 running against Bill Clinton.  Like Trump, Perot appealed to American who were fed up with the current administration and who wanted a change. Just like Trump, Perot’s campaign seemed to gather momentum as the political race heated up. He promoted himself as a reformer, building on his success with the Texas Public Education system in the 1980s. But, in July, he dropped out of the race.   According to The New York Times, Perot believed that the Bush campaign was going to start a rumor about his daughter's sexuality.  He would later return to the race in October, just weeks before the election. However, despite this setback, he managed to pull nearly 19 percent of the popular vote. Bill Clinton would win the elections. My mom suspects that Perot was a diversion to pull votes away from Bush.

If my mom’s prediction is true and history is set to repeat itself, Trump could very well be doing the same thing. If not, then we are in for the ride of our political lives as the whole world will be watching to see if Donald Trump becomes the next president of the United States.  Can Hillary Clinton hold her own against the Donald? Does she have what it takes to lead this country? More importantly does she have enough to garnish the necessary votes to beat Trump come this November? Only time will tell. For me, I can’t wait to see how this plays out. I’m Just Saying. I got issues – what about you?

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Debt Collectors - Beware

For the most part I try to stay on top of my debts regardless of what kind it is - be it medical or credit cards debts. Sure they were times when I fell behind in my medical payments but that’s usually when I am waiting for a settlement from a car accident. Once I get the settlement I pay the bills in full. So imagine my surprise when I got a notice from a debt collector saying they “bought” my debt from DeKalb Medical. I admit it was only for $50, but from what I could remember I did not have any unresolved bills with DeKalb Medical let alone for $50. So I decided to do some research. Mostly because this was not the first or even the second time that I was contacted by a debt collector trying to collect on a debt they assumed from DeKalb Medical that had already been settled.

The first time this happened it was back in 2012 when a debt collector contacted me to say I owed a significant amount on a bill with DeKalb Medical for services I knew my health insurance provider would have already paid based on the service date.  When I reviewed my records I noticed that the amount the debt collector was requesting was the exact amount my insurance provider had discounted off the bill.  Apparently DeKalb Medical was trying to recoup their loss years after the bill was settled. I wrote the collection agency and included copies of my documentations which showed the amount they were requesting was actually the discounted amount that my insurance provider at the time had negotiated. I also quoted the disclaimer statement my insurance provider posted on the statement when they notified the vendor that they were paying the discounted amount. I reminded them that their attempts to try to recover that discounted amount was a clear violation of the agreement they had with my insurance provider. I never heard back from them.

As with the other times before this most recent incident, I did not have to look very far or hard for supporting documentation that this bill was already settled. Lucky for me I am notorious for keeping good records. In fact my daughter sometimes accuses me of being a “hoarder” – lol. But in my defense, I never know when something will come up which will force me to prove I took care of it already. Trust me, I learned my lesson a long time ago the hard way. I know they say you should only keep records for 7 years but I keep them for as long as necessary or until the ink fades, whichever comes first because I never know when someone will come out the wood works claiming I did not pay a debt. Like when I paid off for my car loan back in 1996 but several years later the Chase Bank on the island was reporting the account as “charged off”. Again, luckily I had kept the receipt to show I paid the debt in full. It would take years to clear that up because while the credit bureau would make the change manually, every time Chase sent in their records it would overwrite the information. They eventually found a way to fix it permanently. In case you are wondering, yes I still have that receipt – just in case.

This most recent demand for payment was for a service date in 2009 when I was fully covered by health insurance but there was a $250 deductible requirement. My record shows I made four payments over a 2-month period which settled that debt. My bank statement for that time period also confirms that the payments were processed and paid.

So why is DeKalb Medical selling debts that were already paid and/or settled? Your guess is as good as mines, but whatever their reason for selling a debt that has already been paid or settle is reprehensible to me.  However, as I mentioned before, the good thing is that I kept excellent records which supports that the debt was paid/settle. I wrote both the debt collector and DeKalb Medical and submitted my documentation to show that the entire $250 was paid in full. I also asked DeKalb Medical to take steps to reconcile their records across all their billing system to ensure this does not happen again as it has become worrisome and downright irritating to have to constantly prove that the debt in question was satisfied. Will they adhere to my request? I guess time will tell as I have yet to hear back.

I shared this with you to make you aware that it is possible to have debt collectors contact you on a medical bill which has already been settled or discounted in an attempt to recover their loss. I must admit that at first I was prepared to pay the $50 as it was a small amount but it did not sit right with me that I would have an outstanding balance from 2009 and they were only just now contacting me about it. That was my second red flag – the first was my previous similar experiences. I’m glad I decided to look into it and not pay it blindly. Maybe that was their hope/intention, but they obviously did not count on me having documentation to show it was paid already.

My advice to you is when or if you get contacted by a debt collector, do your due diligence to research the debt before you make a payment, including checking the date of service. If you know you owe the debt by all means pay it, but on the off chance that it is not a legitimate debt you owe it to yourself to check it out. Don’t be bullied or threatened into paying a bill that may very well not be legitimate. Like I tell all my friends, don’t be so quick to throw away receipts and you definitely need to make sure you get one for every dollar you spend, regardless of the vendor. It’s the only way you can protect yourself from any further claims. I’m Just Saying. I got issues – what about you?

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The Key to Happiness - Do You Have It

In recent days, especially with the very unexpected passing of both Prince (Prince Rogers Nelson) and Chyna (Joan Marie Laurer) I was forced to revisit my views on life, more specifically happiness and I am convinced that I am on the right track with my thought process that happiness is a state of mind. I say that because it seems like both Prince and Chyna lived a privilege life style, for the most part, but like so many celebrities who “made it”, money and companionship does not seem to be enough to promote happiness in their lives. From what I gathered from news and media reports, at some point in their careers they both turned to prescription/recreational drug use to deal with the stressors that apparently accompany stardom and or to mask some aliment which plagued them whether physical or psychological. I don’t believe all celebrities indulge in that behavior but it seems like more do so than not.

This re-confirms my belief that happiness is a state of mind. When you are poor you tend to think your life would be so much better and you will be much happier if you had money.  When you are alone you tend to think your life will be so much happier once you are in a committed relationship. However when you are rich, it seems like happiness is no longer determined by how much money you have or the number of people you have around you but rather is determined by the ability to get high to escape the empty feeling they experience. Whatever the reason they chose to indulge in drug use, I have no doubt that it was stimulated by the need to be happy.

One mantra that I said frequently in response to people’s inquiry of how I am doing is “I’m good. Nothing a man and/or some money can’t fix”. I said that because most of my issues were either as a result of my spending too much time alone or some circumstance which required money to relieve that burden. I mean think about it, money is a necessary commodity. We need it to ensure almost all of our everyday needs are met, ie., food, shelter, clothing, toiletries, utilities, etc. Likewise, as humans we also need companionship on some level. 

It’s like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs which outlines a hierarchal structure for what motivates human behavior. In the absence of "struggle", people seek for other things to fill that void. Once you satisfy the needs on the lower level of the pyramid, you are motivated to move on to the next level. Unfortunately, like so many, it was difficult for me to focus on anything above those five levels because it became a balancing act trying to move forward while maintaining levels I had achieved.  However, once my physical and financial needs were met I was a happy camper, but my happiness was short lived because the constant need to satisfy those two needs was a vicious cycle which had to be repeated in order to maintain my state of happiness. It was also sucking the life out of me as I was experiencing emotional highs and lows that could be very stressful at times.  

As a coping skill, I eventually chose to focus more on my financial needs more so than my physical need for companionship. I convinced myself that I did not really need that. As time went by my desire for companionship diminished. At least that was my thought process at the time. Another coping skill I implemented was to seek spiritual fulfillment in order to get through those down times. Exercising my faith to believe deliverance will come was a necessary practice to get me through those days when the bills were high and my money was low. God forbid some other unexpected issue should arise, ie car trouble, or an illness, I would be thrown into “crisis/survival” mode. It was at those times that I dug deep to find spiritual guidance to help me navigate through those tough times. I was operating in “crisis/survival mode” for so long that it became a way of life for me and I did not expect anything to change. I was convinced that what I was going through was the “norm” and everyone was going through or experiencing the same things. Moreover, I certainly did not think I could change the way things were – it was what it was – life.

Then in 2006 I was exposed to the book The Secret and it changed my life. It was the end of life as I knew it and the beginning of self-sustaining happiness - the likes of which I had never experienced.  It took some doing but in time I was able to recondition/reprogram my subconscious mind to rid it of the things I was taught to accept about life. What I found was that my life was a sum result of all my beliefs and all my experiences (good/bad). Everything I believed about life was manifesting in my world every day. Everything I was ever taught about money - that you had to work hard to get it and even harder to keep it; health – that high blood pressure and diabetes ran in our family so I was prone to get them; and even about God – that I had to go to church regularly if I wanted His blessings; all shaped my life as I knew it. But once I started practicing the concept of what I read in The Secret and implementing the principles of the law of attraction I saw my life turn around. One of the things I learned was to expect good things and to feel good if not great every day.  In fact my new personal mantra is just that, “My only job today is to feel good if not great, because thoughts become things”.

Today I can truly say that I am happy regardless of what is going on around me. My happiness is no longer measured or dependent on anyone or anything outside of me because happiness is a state of mind. My happiness is not determined by my circumstances but rather how I feel about myself. My faith in God is stronger than ever and I have been delivered from the crippling thoughts/beliefs about life which limited my ability to be truly happy. With that being said, if you purpose in your heart to feel good, if not great and do whatever you need to do to feel that way no matter what is going on in your life and expect only good things to happen to and for you every day, then you have truly arrived and you have unlocked the key to happiness.  I’m Just Saying. I got issues – what about you?

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Super Tuesday - March 2016

Whether or not you like Donald Trump you have to admit that he is fast becoming a viable contender for the presidency seat.  As I mentioned in an earlier post (The Donald for President?), If Trump wins South Carolina then we need to really sit up and pay attention. Well not only did he win in the South Carolina primaries, but he appears to be leading in the polls across the country as his list of supporters grows by leaps and bounds as he has received and predicted to receive huge endorsements. As he campaigns across the country, one thing is becoming very obvious, he is the candidate people love to hate. But that does not seem to be hindering his popularity among Americans because he is gaining new grounds and could possibly be the republican “choice” candidate on the ballot come this November.

Personally I don’t have anything against Donald Trump. I actually admire him as a shrewd businessman.  That and his brutal honesty. You have to admire a guy who speaks his mind and tells it like it is, however that is as far as my admiration run. Oddly enough it’s those very attributes that won him the title of “most favored” among the candidates for president. People like the fact that he is “not” a politician and his views are simple yet complex by some standards.  Take into consideration that Trump has declared bankruptcy many time over but still manages to regain his wealth. That’s no small feat. So, take away Trump’s desire to deport all immigrants and repeal the healthcare reform act should be become the next president, and he could win over more supporters because there are lots of people who think he would be the ideal candidate who can quite possible turn the economy around and get the country out of debt once and for all.  From a business prospective, there is no better qualified candidate.

I still maintain that Trump has a good chance of winning the presidency but not for the reasons you may think. He could win based on delegates won and electoral votes. If he wins the Republican primaries across the board, which it looks like he will do based on the latest polls, then the question then becomes, “can he beat Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders?” Right now it looks like Hillary has a huge lead over Sanders based on recent polls. However, if Sanders win the Democratic primaries then it may be tough to call, but If Hillary maintains her lead and wins the primaries then it’s a wrap. Don’t get me wrong, I think Hillary is a worthy opponent but let’s face it. We all know that "the powers that be" will not allow - nor are they ready for -  a female president.

Regardless of who you support for president, the best way to get your voices heard is to go out and vote. It makes no sense to complain about the state of the country or the leaders in place if you don’t make an effort to affect change. The simple truth is you have no right to complain if you don’t vote. I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you?)i(

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