A Tribute to Mrs. Janet V. Prince-Soto: Giving You Your Flowers Now!

I recently became aware that Fashion Link VI, in conjunction with Kisura's Fashion will present their first annual Fashion Exposé on St. Croix,  U.S. Virgin Islands August 16^th - 18^th, 2013. From what I can tell, it promises to be a grand event.  As listed on their website, “Kisura's Fashion [is] an on-line Boutique with fashionable clothing for all occasion[s].” They feature an array of sizes for both women and men.  They also carry souvenir t-shirts featuring prints of historical and scenic “sites of the U.S. Virgin Islands, as well as Kisura's Fashion Logo T-Shirt.” You can learn more about the upcoming exposé by visiting http://myvideowebshow.com/show/kisuras-fashion.

As part of the event they will honor various local entrepreneurs for their years of service to the community in their souvenir booklet. One of the honorees being highlighted for her long years of service to the territory in the field of Cosmetology is Mrs. Janet V. Prince-Soto. I was honored when asked to submit a small tribute on her behalf for the booklet. Due to space constraints, I was limited as to what I could submit for print. As such I decided to write an expanded version here.

I first met Mrs. Soto back in 1981 when I was a sophomore at St. Croix Central High School.  Actually, I really had no interest in cosmetology at the time, but the general classes I needed were all filled so I had to choose something else. Glancing over my choices on the vocational track, Cosmetology stood out for me because it didn't look that hard and I figured it would be an easy pass - yeah, right! Little did I know at the time that it was all divinely orchestrated for me to be exposed to Mrs. Soto.   At first she struck me as a “no-nonsense” type of teacher and time would prove that my first instinct of her was correct. She challenged her students to do their very best and “good” was not good enough. She required excellence. Her expectations of us were more than anyone had ever expected of me and my plan of sitting in the back of the classroom in an effort to avoid being called upon proved to be ineffective as she called on everyone randomly regardless of where you were sitting. 
As a student in Mrs. Soto’s class it was not a question of “if” she will call on you, but rather “when” she will call on you. Her teaching style was “hands-on” and everyone was expected to demonstrate what they learned without exceptions. She would walk around the classroom looking at your work, pointing out mistakes and offering accolades when you got it right. I had never met anyone like her before or since. While she exhibited a tough exterior and ran her classroom like a drill sergeant – so much for skipping over ROTC, lol –  the individual attention she showed each of her students was unmatched by any I had seen before. Truth is when I encountered Mrs. Soto I was a frail, attention-deprived, pregnant teen who didn't know how much I didn't know about a lot of things; including the child I was carrying. However, under her guidance I learned so much and not just about the practical and theory of cosmetology (including the skills and mechanisms needed to run a successful business), but also about etiquette and the fundamentals of life. Many of which was not taught anywhere else, not even during four years of college, but all of which would impact my life inside and outside of the classroom.  She made me push myself harder and further than I ever did before and even today I still expect more of myself than anyone else and I also hold myself at a higher standard than anyone else. I strive for perfection.

During the first few weeks of class I did my best to conceal my pregnancy, but I remember when I became aware that she knew that I was pregnant. One day after class she kept me behind after she had dismissed the other students and we had a serious one-on-one conversation which was very thought provoking. Her concerns were for my safety and her fear that I could slip and fall in her class. She forced me to ask myself some tough questions which would eventually shape my decision to remain in school. Not sure if it was her intent or not, but her suggestion that I should consider going to night classes backfired even though it sent me straight to the counselor’s office seeking a transfer after our meeting. Mr. Mack, my counselor at the time, raised even more questions which caused me to further question my motives for wanting a transfer. The answers ultimately ended with my decision to stay enrolled in day classes. A decision I have never regretted. Not only did I keep my grades up and graduated on time, but it would be 11 years before I would have another child. 

During the three years I was enrolled in Mrs. Soto’s class, I sought her out for advice and guidance about a lot of things not related to her class.   Amazingly, she never sent me away because she was too busy to listen. Yes, Mrs. Soto believed in teaching the “whole” student and her methods were not confined to traditional ways. As such, much of our lessons went far beyond the typical classroom setting. She challenged us to do better and she taught us life lessons that stayed with us long after we graduated from high school. I say “we” because many of her students share my view of her and still stay in close contact with her. That is in and of itself a testament of the high regard we hold for her and the things she has instilled in us.

I have lots of fond memories of Mrs. Soto from over the years. Some go as far back as my early encounters with her at school when the other girls and I would all run to help her unload the contents of her car and carry them into the classroom. Mostly because we knew she had goodies she would share with us, i.e., homemade bread, maubi, etc. And then there was our senior class trip to Puerto Rico - it was my second time traveling in a group (the first time was our trip to St. Thomas for the cosmetology competition).  Oh the fun we had visiting stores, swimming at the beach, and exploring El Yunque (local rain forest). We had a great time but Mrs. Soto never missed an opportunity for a “teachable” moment.  She taught us how to budget our money, how not to make needless purchases, and more importantly why it was imperative that we stick together as we ventured out in unfamiliar territory. But by far my favorite memories by are of her visiting me in Atlanta. I have memories of us attending Bronner Brothers hair show, attending Sunday service, walking the mall, and having countless conversations just catching up on each other’s lives. My ex-husband commented to me after meeting her for the first time that he could see where I got a lot of things I did from. She is who I call when life gets overwhelming or when my own mom gives me grief. 

I tell people all the time that I am the woman I am today in part because of my exposure to Mrs. Soto. I see so much of her in me, i.e., completing and submitting registration cards for products purchased (TVs, printers, computers, cameras, blender, etc); documenting date of purchase, place of purchase, serial number, and model number on the product instruction booklet; creating a paper trail when calling companies regarding a dispute (name of who I spoke to, date I called, and final outcome of the conversation); making notations of important things on post-it notes (appointments, task reminders); paper clipping notes to things (travel itinerary, bills); organizing things for easy access; composing “to do“ lists; recycling things to get maximum usage; locating typos and grammar mistakes in written materials, etc.

I sometimes shudder to think what my life would have been like had I not been exposed to her. Sure I may have still grown up to be a decent person who made some good choices along the way but I can only attribute my impeccable ability for making “good decisions” in part to the lessons I learned from her. There are very little decisions I have made over the years that I regret. That is because Mrs. Soto taught me about consequences, accountability, and taking responsibility for the choices I make. At a time when most teachers were only interested in passing on “book sense”, Mrs. Soto went far beyond that to provoke our God-given “common sense”.  

This busy mother of two beautiful daughters (Valencia and Olympia), who gave her four handsome grandsons (Germaine, Curt, Kevin, & Darin), who in turn made her a great-grandmother, lets no moss grow beneath her feet. Choose any given day of the year and you will find her busy doing something, i.e., traveling to some exotic or not so exotic location, chairing or attending a meeting, engaged in some small or major project, attending some charity event for her local church, visiting one of her daughters, visiting one of her grandsons,  visiting some other family member, picking fruits in her garden, fiddling with her toys (laptop, notebook, printer, tablet, Iphone, etc), playing games on Facebook, or dictating to the workmen what she needs done on her property. Despite her seemingly busy schedule she always make time to have fun. Oh, and she is no stranger to the kitchen either. By all accounts she is considered an excellent cook. In fact one of her jokes to me is how her grandsons fusses over whose house she will stay at first when she visits the mainland because they know she will no doubt whip something up in the kitchen during her stay, i.e., red peas soup, salt fish and johnny cakes, peas and rice, etc. Personally I prefer when she stays with her grandson Germaine in Atlanta as he is the closest to me so I can always run over and grab a plate. Come to think of it, before Germaine moved to Atlanta from Savannah, my place was her hot spot – lol.

Janet V. Prince-Soto is a God-fearing, family oriented woman who prays everyday for the welfare of those she loves. She is by far an awesome, phenomenal woman whom I love and revere. Even at her age she is still vibrant and mentally sharp. Her memory is very impressive as she seems to remember the names of every student who ever came through her classroom door.  She not only remembers their name but can tell you something specific about each one of them. I get dizzy trying to keep up with her. She never ceases to amaze me with her wealth of knowledge. She is always on a quest to learn new things and is not afraid to venture into uncharted waters. I can always expect the unexpected where she is concern.  I am so very proud and honored to call her my teacher, my friend, and at times, my mother. Congratulations Ma for your many years of dedicated service to the cosmetology world and for the many, many, young women – myself included – whose lives are forever changed because of our exposure to you. Our friendship spans over 30 years, but you are and will forever be an intricate part of my family. May God continue to bless you with good health and long life.

Love always, Yáminah (Class of ’84)

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Disrespect, Nothing to Sneeze At

Maybe it’s just me but I get real irritated when people I don’t know addresses me by my first name, like we are old friends or something. Just today I was watching Judge Judy when my cellphone rang. True to form I answered because I always answer my phone when I’m able, because I never know who may be calling. The lady on the other end asked if this was me using my Christian first name. I quickly said, “This is Ms. Million. How may I help you?”, in an attempt to correct her error. However, she showed no sign that she caught what I was trying to show her as she proceeded to use my first name again and again throughout the conversation. By now I’m already irritated because first off she is interrupting my TV session, and secondly she showed disrespect to me by calling me by my first name as I don’t know her.  Needless-to-say I cut the conversation short and returned to my show.

This is not the first time I have encountered this type of situation. Every year I receive several phone calls from various organizations seeking donations for their cause. Without fail someone will undoubtedly call me by my first name at the onset of the conversation. It may be a strategy they were taught as part of their solicitation training. Perhaps the premise here is that it will give a friendlier feel and will make me more receptive to their cause. Perhaps the younger generation doesn't mind that type of  strategy, but I’m sure older generations may be a bit offended. s urtheres me even more irritabkow full mouth by their first name. It'it will make me more receptive to their case. Truth is aTruth is all they accomplish is to irritate me and cause me to be less receptive to their cause. It further irritates me when they give no heed to my gentle nudge for them to correct their mistake.  I know this is the 21^st century and all but there are some communication etiquette that is worth keeping or preserving. When I was growing up you did not address an adult by their first name unless you included a “Mr.” or a “Ms.” before it, otherwise you used their last names in much the same way, i.e., Mr. Frances, Mrs. Frances, etc.  Even as an adult, you definitely didn’t call another adult you did not know personally full mouth by their first name.  To do so would earn you the label of being disrespectful. 

As I said before, maybe it’s just me. Maybe nobody else out there cares that people who don’t know them personally calls them by their first name, but I do. I know it has a lot to do with my culture and how I was raised. I was taught to always show respect to my elders, especially adults in authority positions, i.e., doctors, judges, police officers, etc. Back in February I had to go to court for a traffic violation – the officer claimed I failed to stop at the stop sign before exiting my subdivision. When I got to the courthouse for the hearing I was amazed at the number of people waiting to go into the building. The line was literally wrapped around the building.  As I made my way into the courtroom there was easily over 60 people in the room.  Some of them looked like they just rolled out of bed and put their shoes on as they were not dressed appropriately. Sure there is the usual signage that indicates no short sleeves, slippers or cutoffs; otherwise I shudder to think what people would show up in. What happened to basic judgment in choosing something more appropriate based on the venue?

Anyway, the bailiff did her due diligence to advise us of our rights and gave instructions as to how to enter our plea, however she failed to instruct us to stand when addressing the judge. Sure she said the usual, “all rise” when the judge entered the courtroom, but that was it.  I watched in awe as each person before me and after me remained seated while responding to the judge’s inquiry as to their guilt or innocence. When it was my turn I stood up, looked at the judge and responded, “Not guilty Your Honor.” I could not help but noticed a slight reaction on the judge’s face. Could be the fact that I stood up when I spoke to her or it could very well be that I addressed her as “Your Honor.” Either way it turned out to be a good day for me. Not only was I dressed appropriately, but I also showed proper respect.  As I presented my case I allowed the officer to recount her version of the incident without interruptions. When it was my turn to speak I pointed out the error in the officer’s recollection of the incident in a manner that allowed the judge to come to the conclusion that I was not guilty of the violation. You could hear the gasps from the onlookers as they heard the judge announced her decision that she is ruling that I was not guilty.

Showing proper respect to my elders and people in authority comes easy for me as that is how I was raised.  I was taught to show the utmost respect to my elders, especially to those in any branch of law enforcement, i.e., police officers, judges, etc.  I sometimes get disgusted when I see people blatantly disrespect these posts. I also know that sometimes people who hold these positions may not deserve the respect, but that does not negate my responsibility to show them respect anyway. Seems like the values and personal structure of our society has slowly eroded because no one took issue as it happened.  Some people complain that this generation seems more rude and disrespectful than ever, yet they say or do nothing to try and rectify it. Then they wonder why each generation seems to have less etiquette than previous generations. It starts with the little things, i.e., calling grown folks by their first name, then it progress to lack of respect for other things. Maybe more people should take issues with unsolicited callers addressing them by their first names. I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you?)i(

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Little Debbie’s Second Chance Home, Inc. – Making a Difference in the Community

Deborah Stiggers was only 39 years old when she passed this life, but she left enough of an impression on her young children for them to remember the legacy she left behind. In their South Bronx, New York community, the Stiggers’ home was known as the “safe” house. It was there that the local teens would flock for hot meals, compassion, nonjudgmental advice, and at times a spot on the family’s living room floor to lay their heads for the night. They knew that they would get honest feedback and direction about whatever trouble was plaguing their young lives from Deborah. It was an environment that fostered honesty and trust. While the Stiggers did not have much, they withheld no resources from anyone who found themselves on their door stoop. No one was turned away nor did anyone ever leave feeling like their needs were not met. Deborah’s kindness was not just limited to the teens but at times was extended to their parents or other adults in the neighborhood who needed a helping hand. Even though she only had three biological children, Deborah had many unofficial adopted children. The memories of the love and nurturing her children saw their mother exhibit to the people in their community would stay with them long after she was gone. So it was by no accident that young Lakisha Stiggers would grow up to model those same characteristics as her mother. 

At 25, Lakisha’s passion to help young girls and families break away from the generational curses which plagued her community through intervention was awakened and she wasted no time in opening up her own home in Decatur to young girls who needed mentoring and guidance as their foster parent.  That was the beginning of what would later branch out into state supported group homes. Incorporated in 2004, the first of six group homes bearing the name Little Debbie’s Second Chance Home, Inc. (LDSCH), a non-profit organization, was born out of Lakisha’s desire to carry on her mother’s legacy. Located exclusively in DeKalb County, LDSCH is a residential/live-in facility which provides various social services to disadvantaged adolescents and teens (boys and girls), i.e., runaways, high school drop outs, pregnant teens and teen mothers, substance abusers, etc., in an attempt to rehabilitate, reduce or eliminate occurrences. Each group home is strategically nestled inconspicuously in selected neighborhoods in an attempt to protect the client’s identity. LDCSH is “committed to improving the academic achievement, self-esteem, social competence, and avoidance of problem/high-risk behavior of the teens and adolescents in our care by providing relationships with a caring, exceptionally trained adult who help will help them reach their potential.” Each facility houses up to six residents and is staffed 24 hours a day by 4 rotating staff members referred to as “house parents”. Residents are evaluated on intake to assess their immediate needs and are then matched up with an in-house Community Service Individual (CSI), a psychotherapist and if deemed necessary they are also assigned a psychiatrist who facilitates medication.  There is also an in-house nurse who monitors the residents to ensure the timely dispensation of medication doses. 

Overall, the programs offered by LDSCH are geared towards the whole individual and is spearheaded by a staff that not only relates to them but is diligent in their dealings with issues that are not necessarily prevalent in a typical settings. By providing activities that the residents would normally engage in if they were actually living at home with their parents, i.e., extracurricular activities; going to church; chore responsibilities (preparing meals, housekeeping); shopping excursions; coupled with tutoring and conflict resolutions, the program provides some sort of normalcy which allows the teen to thrive in a stable environment which fosters responsibility and accountability.  However the core purpose of the program is to offer help for the issue(s) that brought them to LDSCH, including underlying causes, i.e., alcohol and drug abuse treatment, psychotherapy, etc.  The residents also learn fundamental key components necessary for them to transition into independent living as well as develop good coping skills that will propel them pass those issues. 

By implementing these programs in a safe secure environment, LDSCH allows adolescents/teens to experience their dreams of growing up to be normal productive individuals in the community to the point that they want to give back.  Like:

 “Joy” a 20-year old junior at Atlanta Technical College who was a resident of LDSCH for five years. She was about 14 when she entered the program and was addicted to marijuana. She was also a runner/runaway. She recalls her first time at the group home. “I hated the experience. [There were] too many rules.  I was not allowed to smoke, but I defied the rules anyway.” She shared that she used to get into trouble in school all the time and it showed in her grades.  Despite her defiance, the staff and the director would constantly take her to task for her behavior and she resented them, but that was then. After lots of intervention and her finally realizing that “these people really cared about me”, she decided to give the program the benefit of the doubt. Today she works full time as a pre-school teacher and hopes to own her own daycare one day. In between her busy schedule, she makes time to give back as a mentor at LDSCH.  She uses her experience as a past resident as a guide to help encourage and counsel the current residents. She says, “I can see myself in them and I am able to share with them the importance of sticking with the program.”  Looking back she can see how she was a handful and how she tested the patience and reigns of the staff, including the director, time and time again.  Through it all she is grateful that they never gave up on her. She recalls the staff made a significant impact on her and it was a good feeling realizing that they were working on her behalf. She attributes her academic and personal success to the structure of the program but mostly the concern the director showed her. Prior to entering the home she had “trust” issues.  It seemed like all her life “people were always letting [her] down.” However, as time went by she began trusting the director more because of her constant intervention. The director was always in her face forcing her to face her actions and the repercussions that followed. She also recalls that there were structures in place to help facilitate bonding between the residents which lasted way after she left the program. “We are like sisters and we stick up for each other.”

And then there is:

“Mary Ann” also 20, who is a current resident of LDSCH for the past two years, but has been in and out of the social services system since she was 9 years old. Faced with a lot of challenges, her mother voluntarily gave Mary Ann up because she did not feel she could take care of her. At first Mary Ann admits that she did not understand why her mother would give her up but as she got older she realized that her mom was addicted to the same drugs Mary Ann found herself addicted to. Through the love and support she has received, including in-house rehab, Mary Ann has been able to kick her drug addiction.  She too indicates that she was a bit “defiant” when she first entered the program at LDSCH.  She said, “I didn’t want to be there.” However, the staff helped her become acclimated to her new surroundings including registering her for her new school. Over the two years that she has spent at LDSCH she has developed some lasting relationships with the staff. From the house mother to the psycho therapist, Mary Ann shared how they were all instrumental in her recovery.  She recalls that the staff would constantly check on her, even on their off days. She fondly remembers a deceased staff member, Mama D, who would always share positive uplifting words to help keep her motivated, especially those days when she was feeling like a relapse was on the horizon. She stated, “She was a wonderful mentor who was like a mother to me and the other girls in her care.” Mary Ann is a high school graduate and will be emancipated from the program in June. She has already been pre-accepted at 4 local colleges including UGA. She is not sure where she will end up but one thing she is sure of is that LDSCH gave her the push she needed to stay in the right direction. Sadly Mary Ann’s mom died in 2008, but Mary Ann is grateful to the visiting resource manager, Ms. Hayes, who helped fill the hole where her mom should have been.

It could very well take a while for me to relay all the great things that both Joy and Mary Ann had to say about the program. So in the interest of time, I will sum it all up in one word – inspiring. But it would be remised if I did not echo the sediment they both expressed. Their experience at LDSCH was a major factor in the outcome of not just their lives but, also in the lives of every teen or adolescent that passes through that agency. While they have all made mistakes in the past, they are able to learn from them. Mostly because the staff facilitates the change they need by encouraging their spiritual growth and forward thinking. They instill in them values, ambition, and determination to succeed. LDSCH is committed to the success of all the residents in their care.

As mentioned before, LDSCH group homes are located inconspicuously and strategically in various DeKalb Country neighborhoods. As a rule of thumb there is no signage to identify the home as anything but a residential home, no excessive activities to draw attention to the residents in the home, nor any signage or group home insignia on vehicles assigned to transport residents to and from their daily activities.  Thus there is no way to tell that a LDSCH group home is a group home based on visibility. Again, the goal here is to have the residents co-exist in local neighborhoods to facilitate and foster normal living conditions without the stigma that sometimes may be associated with group home facilities as well as a safety precaution as it is sometimes necessary to conceal the identity of the residents in their care. For the most part LDCSH has been very successful to that end. Unfortunately there are times that the agency may inherit a facility which has already been stigmatized or compromised and it becomes necessary to relocate the home to another neighborhood in an attempt to distance the residents from that stigmatism and give them a fresh new start.  Recently it became necessary to seek relocation of one of the group homes for that very reason. Unfortunately the process was compromised by not only the targeted new neighborhood’s residents and the DeKalb Board of Commissioners, but also selected city council members who launched a campaign to block the relocation efforts. In fact LDSCH was forced to abandon the venture to relocate the home because the location was further compromised when plans to acquire the new location was leaked to the public in an a series of articles printed in the DeKalb County’s CrossRoadNews (“Teens group home proposed for Wesley Chapel” Jennifer Ffrench Parker, 3/16/13 pg A3; “BOC denies permit for teen group home” Jessica Smith 3/30/13 pg 5)  Even if the permit was not denied, there was no way that the agency could proceed with plans to relocate to the new address as the safety of the residents was compromised. As a condition of the existence of the group homes, residents are guaranteed their privacy and assured of their safety as it may sometimes really be a life or death situation. As such, LDSCH is committed to operating their group homes in undisclosed locations.

Despite aforementioned challenges, LDSCH continues to make a difference in the lives of the residents in their care. As a result of the efforts of the staff at LDSCH under the leadership of Lakisha S. Stiggers, the residents in the program has achieved one or more of the following since their enrollment: remained actively enrolled in school, improved their academic standing; made honor roll (principal/dean's list), graduated from high school with their diploma or completed the GED program successfully, enrolled in continuing education classes at local university or college, obtained their driver's license, remained successfully drug free, gained meaningful parenting skills, ability to retain custody of their minor child while pursuing their education, gained family planning education, gained problem-solving/conflict resolution skills, matriculated through the program and obtained their own apartment, experienced family reunification, and/or gained meaningful employment in the field of their choice.

As a beacon of hope, a photo of Deborah Stiggers graces the wall of every LDSCH facility as a constant reminder of the woman who was responsible for provoking a dream in her daughter – that no teen or adolescents who enter those doors will ever go without love, compassion, or understanding.  The essence of who Deborah Stiggers was lives on in the life changing work of the tireless efforts of the staff of LDSCH.)i(

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Work out your own salvation/situations/issues

In life we are all bound to go through some challenging stuff that can either make or break us. It is inevitable that you will experience trials if you live long enough. However, how you choose to handle these trials will determine your success or failure. For many the challenge is the ability to develop good coping skills that will allow them to make good decisions. The thing is, your childhood environment, coupled with other life experiences, are the building blocks that influence your ability to cope. Unfortunately some people never develop a healthy coping mechanism and then are prone to blaming others when things go wrong in their lives.  For others, like me, who incorporate their faith in the equation, life can be a lot more bearable and at times very enjoyable. However, the degree to which their faith can sustain them is determined by the level of their spirituality.

Several years ago I was at a dip in my life’s road. Having just gotten out of an unhappy marriage I plunged myself into my career and worked relentlessly in an attempt to fill the void my divorce created. As a result of that, coupled with other things, I suffered a stroke. I pulled on my faith to sustain me and was subsequently able to pull myself together, however I found myself spiritually drained to the point that I felt my faith had become stunted. The place that I worshiped at the time failed to resuscitate my spirituality or reignite my faith. They also failed to give me the support I desperately needed to pull me out of the rut I found myself in to the point that I had stopped attending worship services for over a year. The sad thing was, no one seemed to notice which was a bit unsettling considering I was active in a couple of ministries, i.e., new member’s care advocate, sang in the choir. Then one Wednesday night while driving home from work I passed by the sanctuary and my spirit beaconed me to go in for mid-week service.  I obeyed and it is a decision I have not regretted. It turned out that the guest speaker of the night was Bishop Eddie L. Long from New Birth Missionary Church. While I had heard of Bishop Long before and had attended one of his services years ago at the Flat Shoal location, I didn't know enough about his teaching to form an opinion. 

The thing I remember most about that night, besides being at the edge of my seat the entire time he was preaching, is that as Bishop Long spoke about the Ark of the Covenant and that there was “an open door” for which the Lord was bidding me to “come up higher”, my spirit leaped inside me and for the first time in a long time I felt connected and alive again.  It was as if God sent me there to get answers to the spiritual rut I was in. The excitement that his words evoked in me would stay with me all week to the point that I visited New Birth that Sunday and joined the very next Tuesday night. This September will be four years since I have been a member of New Birth and I am happy to report that the excitement I felt that first night is still very much alive in me today, if not more so. It was just a month past my one year membership anniversary that the media scandal broke loose. The timing could not have been any worst as I was just finally getting a handle on my life and discovering my purpose. I remember questioning God as to the timing and the logic of bringing me someplace just to have me leave before my full spiritual recovery. Not that you ever truly arrive at being totally spiritually healed as it is an ongoing process, but you get what I mean. I remember praying and asking God for guidance as I often do when faced with life changing situations. My question was “should I leave or should I stay?” The answer seemed to come from Bishop Long’s own mouth. Every time he got behind the pulpit the words he released into the atmosphere was as if he had a front row seat to what was happening in my life. His words were like oxygen to by situation. I inhaled deeply the calming effect of the word of God and exhaled my stress and confusion. With each passing week the unfolding scandal had little or no effect on my spiritual growth as I continued to soak up every word that came across the pulpit like a sponge. I felt like a spiritually depraved woman who for the first time in a long time was able to make sense of my situation by using the teachings of the Bible as presented by Bishop Long. 

By implementing those Biblical principles in my life I developed healthy coping skills that allowed me to endure and overcome other life changing events that transpired in my life.   These were events that, had I not been exposed to the teachings at New Birth, I may not have been able to endure them as well as I did. These were events that gave me firsthand experience as to what it felt like to become homicidal, suicidal, and quite frankly at times brought me to the verge of losing my “cotton picking” mind. I have seen others who have, under these and similar type pressures, succumbed to one or more of those options. But for me, they were not an option because I learned how to truly trust God and for the first time in my life I completely understood the charge set forth in Proverbs 3:5-6 which says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

Sure there are those who question my decision to continue fellowshipping at New Birth. As I recently told a friend who voiced their opinion about the whole scandal thing, “I do not care whether or not what the media said is true.” Every one of us have to answer to a higher order, Bishop Long included. It is not my place to judge him or anyone else for that matter.  All I know is there is definitely an anointing on that man’s life. Everything he utters from behind that pulpit has been and is relevant to my situation. The way I see it, my personal relationship with God is my driving force. I do not wait for a word when I fellowship on Sundays. What I go to New Birth for is for confirmation of what God has already revealed to me during my quiet time with him.  When the time is right God will move me on to my next assignment. In the meantime I am staying put. When I think of everything that has transpired in my life these past four years, had I not been where I was I would have missed the teachings/word to help me get me through my situations. Too many people have missed out on their blessings because they were worshiping Bishop Long the man and not God the Father. As a result, when Bishop Long seemingly failed them, they no longer had the faith or convictions to see pass what they heard. As a result they abandoned their assignment and subsequently forfeited their blessings.

Trust me; I am not in any way condemning the members who left the fold. They did what they felt they needed to do. So why then are others quick to condemn me for staying? Last I checked this was still a free country and I am entitled to do what I think is best for me. I don’t owe anyone any explanations as to why I chose to stay but I’ll give you a couple reasons anyway. I stayed because my spirit is getting fed and my faith walk with God has gone to higher heights and deeper depths. The evidence of what I have been taught under the leadership of Bishop Long is manifested in my life ever day as I implement the principles I’m taught. I put my trust completely in God, not man.

The Bible says judge not that you be not judged. It’s easy to sit there and point a finger at someone when everyone else is doing it. It is much more difficult to let the Holy Spirit lead and direct you to keep an open mind to wither the storm. My convictions are based on my own values and moral and I refuse to let other people dictate to me what I should or should not believe. I have seen too many innocent people get tried and convicted by the media in their lead stories then when they are vindicated, there is only a one-liner stuck on page 33, if that. Truth is none of us are perfect and we have all got stuff going on in our lives that we don’t want exposed. The only difference is we are not significant enough for the media to put our stuff on blast. But if you ever decide to throw your hat in the ring for any sort of public office or become significant enough, you may want to think twice because that candy bar that you may or may not have snuck into your jeans at the local corner store when you were a teen may just end up on the evening news with the caption “Candidate involved in deadly diamond heist – store manager among the dead.”

Bishop Long is a vessel that God is using to promote the Kingdom of Heaven on the earth. What other explanation can there be? Who in their right mind chooses to endure the public ridicule he has endured? What possible gain can come of this? It would be easy for him to denounce his spiritual calling and move to another country to get away from the hell he has no doubt been living in since the scandal broke, but he chose to stay and continue what God started. I can’t speak to why he still allows the Lord to use him but I am eternally grateful that he did not let “flesh” keep him from fulfilling his calling.  As a strong believer in the word of God I leave you with this. “Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” Philippians 2:12

Say what you want about Bishop Long but I promise you one thing, he is working out his own salvation/issues. If people would spend more time concentrating on how they can make their life better and less on how others chose to live theirs, they might just learn some effective coping skills that will help them work out their own situations/issues.  I’m just saying - I got issues. What about you?)i( #IGotIssues #NewBirth #Salvation

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Traffic - Driving to Arrive

When I was growing up, “You buy your license?” was a popular question that was asked sarcastically by island folks of people who displayed poor judgment while operating a car. What the question implied was that they must have paid somebody to get their driver’s license because there was no way they could have obtained it legitimately based on their poor driving skills.  Then when I moved to Georgia and discovered that you could actually renew your driver’s license at the local grocery store, specific locations of course, I was tickled at the irony. I remember thinking, “Folks back home would get a kick out of this.”  I would later find myself shouting at people who cut me off in traffic, “Where did you buy your license, Kroger?” They obviously didn't get it based on the confused looks on their face.  If I’m not mistaken, those satellite DMV locations have since been closed.

While it is all in good fun to make jokes about bad drivers, the truth is there is never any excuse for people to drive poorly. A lot of the incidents people encounter while driving can easily be avoided if they would practice safe driving.  What I've found is, except for a handful of people who may have taken driver’s education classes in school, the mass majority of people, myself included, learn to drive by ear, meaning they learned to drive by following the instructions given to them by either one of their parents, a friend, or some other family member. One of the problems with that is the person giving the instructions themselves may not have had any formal training in the art of operating a motor vehicle or the rules associated with driving on the road. As such, all they can teach is the basics of moving the car from point A to point B, reversing, and parallel parking. All of which are necessary for passing the driving portion (practical) of the driving exam, but what about the written portion (theory)? The other drawback to learning to drive by ear is that "bad drivers" were teaching "bad driving" which contributes to  highway issues. Think about it, whatever bad habits the teacher has, they pass it on to their student(s), who in turn may end up teaching someone else to drive at some point. As a result the cycle continues.

My first exposure to driver’s education classes was back on the island when my mother enrolled in driver’s school prior to getting her driver’s license.  Up until then I had no idea these type classes existed. It was in those classes that my mom learned all the ins and outs of operating a car. I remember how passionately she would share her newly learned information, like kinetic energy. I must admit that not before or since have I ever heard anyone else speak to kinetic energy as it relates to driving a car but it was good information which I embraced. What my mom shared with me is that every time you stop your car, you don’t just stop. You have to overcome a force that is known as kinetic energy, which tends to push your car forward. This force is the energy developed by a car while it's in motion. The law of kinetic energy means that when you double your speed, the kinetic energy of your car is four times as great. That means the braking distance is four times as great. When you triple or quadruple your speed, the stopping distance is even greater. My mom’s advice, “Don’t wait until you want to stop to apply the brakes. Let the kinetic energy run out.” So when I am driving I tend to let the kinetic energy run out on its own by not constantly pressing on the gas.

This little trick greatly reduced the wear and tear on my breaks to the point that I have only changed the brake pads on my 8-year old Jeep twice. Not bad considering the amount of driving I do.

Driving is a secondary function or “automatic” if you will, which is set in place based on an individual’s initial driving habits. Think about it, when you are driving are you thinking, “stop”, “go”, “step on the gas”, “step on the brakes”, or “look left/right”? Of course not because your brain is programmed to do those task automatically for you. The brain can also be wired to recognize the green light as a sign to keep driving and the red light as a warning to stop. Unfortunately not too many drivers have programmed their brain to recognize that an amber colored light is a signal to slow down, not speed up. It is because of this secondary function that people are able to engage in a number of other limited actions/tasks while driving, i.e., engage in conversation, read a map, etc. As a result, if you don’t learn to come to a complete stop at a stop sign in the beginning of your driving history, then the chances that you will do so regularly without thinking about it is very slim to none. That’s why most people do the “California roll” when approaching a stop sign, meaning they slow down just long enough to see if anything is coming but never really come to a complete stop, not unless something is coming and sometimes not even then. That can be dangerous.  

Not only can you use your brain to set your driving habits to incorporate obeying traffic rules, it can also be used as a GPS. Don’t believe me? Think about this, when you make a decision to go someplace, i.e., work, home, grocery store, etc., you don’t spend time trying to figure out how to get there unless it’s the first time you are making the trip. You just get in your car and you drive. Think about the last time your drove home from work, do you remember ever twist and turn you took, every car that cut you off, or how many red lights you encountered? Of course not, you would be hard pressed to remember the journey.

There are times I get home and I can’t tell you anything about the journey. That’s because it was all so routine. Unless something unusual happens on the way, I typically don’t remember how I got home. Ever tell yourself you are going to stop at the store on your way home from someplace and then realize when you pull into the garage that you didn't stop? That’s because you forgot to reprogram your brain's GPS – lol. Your brain's destination was set to “home” and there is where it took you.

Fact is operating a car is more than just learning enough to pass the driving test. It’s about programming your brain to recognize key safety triggers that will keep you and other’s safe. It is also about using good judgment and common sense when behind the wheel. It encompasses paying attention to what is going on around you and your ability to factor in those things every time when making a decision to either stop or go. Oh and it also involves being courteous to other drivers. In any given day I can easily lose count of the number of people who: 1) cut me off even though I have the right of way, 2) failed to signal when making a turn, and 3) pulled out in front of me only to go about 5-10 mph less than what I am traveling instead of just waiting for me to pass especially when there is nobody behind me. All because they are in too much of a rush to wait their turn. 

Texting, talking on the phone, reading, eating, putting on make-up, combing their hair, or reaching under their seats for something is some of the many distractions that can cause people their lives while driving.  Why not do those things before you get behind the wheel? If you do, you may just save a life, maybe even your own. I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you?)i(

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