Stop cutting me off

I don’t know about you but it really irks me when I’m talking to someone and they constantly interrupt me before I can get two words out. It doesn't happen very often but when it does it really frustrates me even more than when they talk over me.  It’s almost like they feel that what they have to say is much more important than what I have to say.  It doesn't even have to be a heated conversation or argument. It could be a casual conversation where we are just discussing the cares of the day.  Just today I was talking to this guy. 

Every time I open my mouth to say something he would cut me off. At one point I simply said, “okay, you go ahead and talk cause we can’t both talk at the same time.” He took offense and said, “It’s called a conversation” and that he was not going to be quiet while I talked the whole time. The thing is he was the one who was dominating the conversation and every time I tried to voice my opinion, he would cut me off. I had to ask him if he could allow me to at least get my words out before he cut me off and he said he was not in a classroom being lectured. “Are you kidding me?” I asked. It’s just common courtesy and respect to give the person who is talking the opportunity to get their thoughts out. How else can you adequately respond to what is being said if you don’t listen to what is being said?

I thought maybe I was missing something so just out of curiosity I looked up the word conversation and it states, “Conversation is a form of interactive, spontaneous communication between two or more people who are following rules of etiquette.” Then I looked up the word etiquette and it states, “Etiquette is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group.” So the way I interpreted what I read is when engaged in conversation you follow certain behaviors to allow each party the opportunity to get their point across. I knew that! It has been my experience that when engaged in conversation with others, protocol dictates that you allow each person to state their thought before responding. There are times when the level of conversation prompts one person to interrupt the other person to address what that person is saying. But by so doing they forgo listening to what the other person is saying, and thus depriving them-self of information they would need to form a viable opinion on what is being discussed. It is some people’s nature to form an opinion based on limited information and more times than not communication is misinterpreted because the hearer is too busy forming a response and misses the intended meaning of what is being said.

I am reminded of that game show on TV called Family Feud where one of the contestants pressed the buzzer before the host had finished reading the question. Needless-to-say the answer, if they had one, was not on the board because they had mis-anticipated the question being asked.  It seems to me that some people feel that interrupting a speaker in the middle of their sentence is normal.  A couple years ago when my teenage son was acting out I sought the services of a counselor to help us sort through our issues.  I remember during the first session my son and I took turns sharing our respective issues with each other. He would say his piece and I would listen to him with out interrupting him and when he was finished I said my piece and he would afford me the same respect. I will never forget – the counselor looked at us and said we were “not being honest with our feelings or emotions”, that our responses were “too formal and controlled” and that we needed to let our “emotions flow.” My son and I both looked at her with a confused look. 

Apparently she thought our communication style was “abnormal” because we were not interrupting each other, talking over each other, yelling or screaming at each other.   In fact my son spoke up and told her that, “we are being honest with our feelings. We are giving each other respect by allowing each other to share what’s on our mind without interruptions.” I was so proud of him.

Like I said before, sometimes the level of conversation may prompt the occasional outburst, but to constantly interrupt the other person while they are speaking is not only rude but also disrespectful. You do yourself a great injustice when you neglect to listen to what is being said in its entirety before forming an opinion or responding. I am convinced that a lot of miscommunication is due to:

1. Inactive listening – hearing the words being said but the hearer does not absorb what is being said because their mind is wandering or preoccupied with forming a response therefore no communication is taking place.
2. Selective listening – the hearer latches on to one word or phrase and quickly responds to what they heard without waiting for the rest of the communication to be uttered.

a.  They hear what they want to hear or what they expect to hear instead of what is being said.

b.  They hear some of the message and immediately begin to formulate a response or second guess what the speaker is saying without waiting for the speaker to finish.

In order to be an effective listener and to promote healthy conversation it is important that all parties adhere to basic conversation etiquette. By allowing each person to take turns to completely verbalize their thoughts and actively listen to what is being said so that you can formulate an appropriate response, you minimize the chances of miscommunication.  I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you?)i(

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