Finding Inspiration/Motivation

It’s been a minute since I have written anything – blogged or book entries. I would like to say it was because I was extremely busy with the business of living, but truth is I sort of lost my motivation and inspiration for a lot of things, not just to write. For starters you may recall me telling you in an earlier blog that the holidays are normally a difficult time for me. Mostly because of internal issues which weighs heavily on my mind, i.e., mental reflections on childhood traumas, lost love ones, lost relationships, strained relationships, etc.  Add to that my current struggles, i.e., health issues as a result of recent car accident, unemployment status, relationship status, cold weather - which are all factors that make for the beginning of depression. But if that was not enough, add the Sandy Hook Elementary tragedy to the mix and that pretty much sealed it for me. 

Over the past month I have struggled to rise up from under the emotional fog which has been weighing me down. Not easily done when you take into consideration that my motivation and inspiration has always been internally stimulated. Sure there has been the occasional external stimulus like when I was inspired to start this blog by a friend, but the motivation to keep doing it came from within. So when my internal motivation and inspiration is blocked, life as I know it pretty much comes to stand still. I mean most days I slept until noon unless I had an appointment or something else that required me to get out the bed earlier.  Fact is, I am sure I am not the only one who suffers from the “holiday blues”.  Let’s face it; last year was a tough year for most of us even if you don’t normally suffer from depression. So how do you break out of it especially when there is no external motivation for you to do so?

For some people, prescription drugs and/or alcohol is their choice for coping, but not for me. Don’t get me wrong, I've had the occasional glass of Merlot, and at one point even sought professional help. But there is something deep inside of me that dictates that I beat this through other means. So I was determined to think of other things I could try to break this cycle. That is, when my brain chose to work. So for starters I would force myself to get out the bed and log on to my Facebook account to play games or check my friends’ profile. It may not seem like much but being able to engage in some mindless activity or see positive posts from friends and/or family helped to keep me focused on something else other than what was going on in my head. I once confessed to a friend of mines that it was on my worst days that I would do the most posting on Facebook. Those are the days I dug deep to find some meaning for my existence and would find inspiration to post some meaningful comment to encourage my friends and family. I guess in a way you could say I was encouraging myself through what I was writing on my page.

Another thing I did was to get out and walk when the weather or my body permitted (mostly my feet – lol). That was not very often so for those days when I could not get out and walk, I would do simple breathing exercises and stretches to help stimulate my mind and increase blood circulation. I also made it a point to increase my daily meditation and prayer life.  I forced myself to tap into my inner self and used my spirituality to gain guidance and encouragement from my Heavenly Father. By attending Sunday morning services and participating in morning worship I also found the release and connection I needed to get me through the week. I also made it a point to call in to the daily Morning Prayer line which was also a great source of inspiration.

As effective as all those things were to help me get through my day-to-day activities, they did nothing to motivate me to start writing again.  Then this afternoon, I was talking to a friend who asked me when was the last time I blogged. I had to confess to him that I had not done so in over a month. He then proceeded to give me a small lecture on following through and being consistent with my blogging. He said “your followers are missing you.” 

Then he proceeded to suggest a topic and main content idea for me to focus on.  He further instructed me to email him a copy of it when it was finished - today. So here I am blogging. Oddly enough it’s not so much that he said what he said, but rather the thought that he cared enough to say something. He reminded me that I had actually started something and needed to continue what I had started.  He triggered something in me - accountability. I guess I just needed to be held accountable. I’m just saying - I got issues, what about you?)i(

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