Bad Breath: To Tell or Not to Tell

Making a decision whether or not to tell someone their breath is offensive can be a very agonizing thing. I am not talking just about the normal food-borne breath bad. I’m especially talking about the funky; something curled up inside them and died bad. Of course it helps if you don’t just blurt it out in front of other people, but the truth is nobody ever takes the news that they have bad breath very well regardless of how you tell them. 

Either they get offended and defensive or they play it off by blaming it on something they just eat as being the cause of the offensive odor. Most times than not the only time people feel comfortable telling someone they have bad breath is in the middle of an argument. For me, the decision to tell them is based out of concern and all depends on who the person is. If it’s someone I met in passing and probably won’t ever see again I won’t say anything. But if it’s a friend, a member of my family, or a potential suitor I definitely will say something to them. It may take me a minute to find the right time to say something, but trust and believe it will happen.

What gives me the courage to address this sensitive issue with those people? Glad you asked. The way I see it is, it is my duty to let my friends and family know that they have bad breath because I care about them and I don’t want them to be embarrassed or have people talk about them behind their backs. As for a potential suitor, that’s easy – I like to kiss and at some point his tongue is going to be in my mouth so his breath has to be pristine. It’s kind of hard if not near impossible to enjoy kissing someone who has bad breath. There is always this thick funky film that coats your mouth and throat and you spend an excessive amount of time spitting in an attempt to rid your mouth of the invasion. Besides, if the situation was reversed where I am the one with the bad breath, I would want to know about it so I could do something about it. 

It seems like most people who have bad breath don’t realize they do. Could be because it has been going on for so long that they grew accustomed to the odor and can no longer smell it; they think that no one else can smell it; or they probably feel it’s not that bad because no one has ever said anything to them.  What they fail to realize is that most people would quicker tell someone else rather than address them directly. I don’t know why that is. If you care about someone why would you not tell them they have bad breath? It’s like seeing your friend come out the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to the bottom of her shoes or worst, seeing her skirt tucked into her underwear in the back and not say anything to her.  Its right up there with those little things that happen to people that can be a bit embarrassing if allowed to go unchecked for any length of time, i.e., spinach stuck between their teeth, label/tag hanging out the top of their clothes, lipstick on their teeth, etc. At some point you just have to say something.

According to Wikipedia, there are over 600 types of bacteria found in the average mouth - wow. See why you need to brush often? Many of these can produce high levels of foul odors when incubated in the laboratory. So just imagine what is going on in your mouth which may be closed for hours at a time, especially when you are asleep. The odors are produced mainly due to the breakdown of proteins into individual amino acids, followed by the further breakdown of certain amino acids to produce detectable foul gases. It also reports that the most common location for mouth related bad breath is the tongue. Tongue bacteria produce malodorous compounds and fatty acids, and account for 80 to 90% of all cases of mouth-related bad breath.  The second major source of bad breath is the nose. In this occurrence, the air exiting the nostrils has a pungent odor that differs from the oral odor. Nasal odor may be due to sinus infections. Other sources of bad breath includes: tonsils, esophagus, gum disease, and stomach.

While any degree of bad breath is offensive, chronic bad breath or halitosis, as it is commonly known, is the worst. Most people who suffer from bad breath have no idea that it could be a sign that there is something seriously wrong. While bad breath can be as a result of what you eat and/or due to improper oral hygiene, i.e., infrequent/improper brushing, failure to brush your tongue or to floss between your teeth, it can also be due to more serious issues, i.e., tooth decay, periodontal disease, gastrointestinal issues. Only your doctor or dentist can say for sure if your breath is pungent due to the latter.  So if you suspect that you have something more than typical food-borne bad breath, you should definitely speak with your doctor or dentist. In the meantime there are some quick things you can do to suppress bad breath.

First let’s do the self-breath test. Take your two hands and bring them together like a cup. Now cup your face tightly so that both your nose and mouth are covered. Now breathe out of your mouth and inhale deeply through your nose. Smell anything? If you do then you need to take additional steps to ensure fresh breath. Start by paying more attention to how you brush. This may include extending the length of time you actually brush your teeth to 2-3 minutes if you are not currently doing it for that long. Brush the outer surfaces of your upper teeth, then your lower teeth. Brush the inner surfaces of your upper teeth, then your lower teeth. 

Brush the chewing surfaces, and finally be sure to brush your tongue. Go as far back as it is comfortable for you to reach. You should floss between your teeth at least twice a day to remove food particles that may become lodged between teeth. Be sure to change your toothbrush every three months or whenever it shows signs of wear.  Brushing with baking soda is great for removing stubborn stains and rinsing with diluted hydrogen peroxide is great for killing bacteria among other things. I have also found that drinking two table spoon of liquid chlorophyll in eight ounces of water nightly just before going to bed to be a great way to help control internal odor in the stomach. You can pick up a bottle of chlorophyll at your local health food store.

We may not always be able to control every aspect of our lives, but for those areas that we can, we should do everything we can to ensure we manage it to the best of our abilities. Let’s face it; no one really wants to smell your breath. So in the interest of those around you and to avoid embarrassment, do your part to ensure your breath is not offensive to others. 

And if you run into someone who has bad breath, do them and yourself a favor and tell them about it, but please use tact. You never know – they just may end up kissing you one day. I’m just saying - I got issues, what about you? )i(

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How you doin'?

"How are you?" Seems like an innocent enough question right? Just about everywhere you go these days people are asking this question in response to or attached to a greeting. It’s almost like a programmed passing pleasantry. I mean, even Wendy Williams uses it as a tag line for her talk show – How you doin'? But what does it really mean? You walk into a store and the sales associate may say “Hello, how are you today?” as she passes by you with her hands full of sweaters or jeans on her way to her next task. Or you walk into work and a co-worker or your boss passes you as you get off the elevator and as they briefly shoot you a glance they may casually say hi and ask you how you are doing as they keep walking to wherever it was they were walking to. As a result you may not even reply because they have moved on without waiting for a response or if you do respond it’s the normal polite, “I’m good”, “I’m fine”, “okay” or some other similar reply.  You may even return the question out of politeness if you are lucky enough to hold their attention long enough or if they are still within ear shot. 

But have you ever stopped to think if they really cared to know how you are doing? I have and personally, I don’t think they do. Don’t believe me? Try this. The next time someone asks you how you are doing, especially someone you don’t really know, say something unexpected like, “Oh, I’m not doing so good.”  Share how you really feel - maybe you lost your job or you spent the night in the ER. Tell them and see what happens next.   If they have not walked off before you respond, check out their facial expression.

When I was working in retail, I remember observing the sale associates greeting the customers as they entered the store by saying hi and then asking them how they were doing. Most times than not they just brushed by the associate without saying a word. Other times they may offer an occasional smile, a wave or a rare “I’m good” response, but for the most part they just went about their business. It could be that the customer already knew that the associate really didn't care how they were doing and summed it up to just a mindless gesture no doubt implemented by management to make the customer feel welcomed. 

Or it could be that they were already conditioned by past experiences that this was just a mindless gesture that did not require a response because everyone ask but no one sticks around long enough for a response. Either way they don’t give the question a second thought.  At some point I suggested to the associates to change their greeting to just saying “Hi, welcome to Ashley Stewart.” It was a clean cut greeting which acknowledged the customer and there was no need for a response. It just seemed more appropriate and effective.

That takes care of that scenario, but what about your family and friends? Do you think they really care how you are doing? It seems like just about everyone has gotten so self-absorbed to the point that they don’t take the time to consider how anyone else is doing.  When I was growing up if someone asked you how you were doing, they asked because they really wanted to know so they stuck around to hear the answer and if you were anything less than ok, they actually listened to what your problem was and offered to help. If they could not help you personally they would find someone who could even if it meant referring you to the local church. One of the things I missed most after moving to Atlanta was the care/concern and support I got from my family. 

When I was younger, I lived in Watergut with my minor daughter and I remember lying in bed at nights waiting for my cousin Dahlia to call out to me when she was passing by on her way home. “Cuz, you sleep? You okay?” she would ask and I would shout back, “No, I’m good!” To which she would reply “okay, good night.” I grew accustomed to her nightly inquiry and would literally lay awake waiting for her familiar voice before I would drift off to sleep. It may not seem like much but it was comforting to know that someone cared enough to check on me every night. I have no doubt that if my response was anything else or if I needed to talk that she would indulge me. Equally as comforting was the fact that if I had a bad day I knew I could stop by my cousin Dahlia’s or my Aunt Olive’s place and I would be assured of two things, 1) I would get a hot plate of food; and 2) I would get a listening ear. They didn't have to offer any advice or feedback. Just the fact that I could unload was comforting enough. More importantly, I didn't have to call first – but that’s a whole other issue (lol).

Bottom-line is at some point when you ask someone how they are doing they may just tell you how they are doing. If you are not going to wait around for the answer or you really don’t care what the response is, then don’t ask the question. 

If you see someone in passing and you just want to be polite, then just say “hi” and keep it moving. If you feel like saying more than that, then instead of asking them how they are doing, why not just say “Have a nice day.” I’m just saying. I got issues – what about you? )i(

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Stop cutting me off

I don’t know about you but it really irks me when I’m talking to someone and they constantly interrupt me before I can get two words out. It doesn't happen very often but when it does it really frustrates me even more than when they talk over me.  It’s almost like they feel that what they have to say is much more important than what I have to say.  It doesn't even have to be a heated conversation or argument. It could be a casual conversation where we are just discussing the cares of the day.  Just today I was talking to this guy. 

Every time I open my mouth to say something he would cut me off. At one point I simply said, “okay, you go ahead and talk cause we can’t both talk at the same time.” He took offense and said, “It’s called a conversation” and that he was not going to be quiet while I talked the whole time. The thing is he was the one who was dominating the conversation and every time I tried to voice my opinion, he would cut me off. I had to ask him if he could allow me to at least get my words out before he cut me off and he said he was not in a classroom being lectured. “Are you kidding me?” I asked. It’s just common courtesy and respect to give the person who is talking the opportunity to get their thoughts out. How else can you adequately respond to what is being said if you don’t listen to what is being said?

I thought maybe I was missing something so just out of curiosity I looked up the word conversation and it states, “Conversation is a form of interactive, spontaneous communication between two or more people who are following rules of etiquette.” Then I looked up the word etiquette and it states, “Etiquette is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group.” So the way I interpreted what I read is when engaged in conversation you follow certain behaviors to allow each party the opportunity to get their point across. I knew that! It has been my experience that when engaged in conversation with others, protocol dictates that you allow each person to state their thought before responding. There are times when the level of conversation prompts one person to interrupt the other person to address what that person is saying. But by so doing they forgo listening to what the other person is saying, and thus depriving them-self of information they would need to form a viable opinion on what is being discussed. It is some people’s nature to form an opinion based on limited information and more times than not communication is misinterpreted because the hearer is too busy forming a response and misses the intended meaning of what is being said.

I am reminded of that game show on TV called Family Feud where one of the contestants pressed the buzzer before the host had finished reading the question. Needless-to-say the answer, if they had one, was not on the board because they had mis-anticipated the question being asked.  It seems to me that some people feel that interrupting a speaker in the middle of their sentence is normal.  A couple years ago when my teenage son was acting out I sought the services of a counselor to help us sort through our issues.  I remember during the first session my son and I took turns sharing our respective issues with each other. He would say his piece and I would listen to him with out interrupting him and when he was finished I said my piece and he would afford me the same respect. I will never forget – the counselor looked at us and said we were “not being honest with our feelings or emotions”, that our responses were “too formal and controlled” and that we needed to let our “emotions flow.” My son and I both looked at her with a confused look. 

Apparently she thought our communication style was “abnormal” because we were not interrupting each other, talking over each other, yelling or screaming at each other.   In fact my son spoke up and told her that, “we are being honest with our feelings. We are giving each other respect by allowing each other to share what’s on our mind without interruptions.” I was so proud of him.

Like I said before, sometimes the level of conversation may prompt the occasional outburst, but to constantly interrupt the other person while they are speaking is not only rude but also disrespectful. You do yourself a great injustice when you neglect to listen to what is being said in its entirety before forming an opinion or responding. I am convinced that a lot of miscommunication is due to:

1. Inactive listening – hearing the words being said but the hearer does not absorb what is being said because their mind is wandering or preoccupied with forming a response therefore no communication is taking place.
2. Selective listening – the hearer latches on to one word or phrase and quickly responds to what they heard without waiting for the rest of the communication to be uttered.

a.  They hear what they want to hear or what they expect to hear instead of what is being said.

b.  They hear some of the message and immediately begin to formulate a response or second guess what the speaker is saying without waiting for the speaker to finish.

In order to be an effective listener and to promote healthy conversation it is important that all parties adhere to basic conversation etiquette. By allowing each person to take turns to completely verbalize their thoughts and actively listen to what is being said so that you can formulate an appropriate response, you minimize the chances of miscommunication.  I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you?)i(

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It’s all about the First Lady

All day yesterday and today the news media has been on a feeding frenzy about the First Lady’s hair and fashion choices for the Presidential Inauguration celebration.  I have never been one for following the Presidential Inauguration very closely never mind the First Lady -  not even four years ago when President Obama was first sworn in.  I usually just watch the swearing in ceremony and that’s it. But even now I can’t remember this much fuss or attention being shown towards any of the previous First Ladies or their children.  Turn on the TV and just about every news channel and talk show is running segments of the inauguration and their primary focus is Mrs. Obama and her two girls. Not really sure what’s so different about this First Lady short of the obvious - she is a strikingly beautiful woman who has much style and grace. In fact I heard one commentator comparing the attention Mrs. Obama is receiving to that of what was shown to First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy.

But really, what is the big fascination with Mrs. Obama wearing a bang? Whatever it is, it has the masses swarming to imitate her style; from her hair to the outfits she dawned.  Everyone is weighing in on the First Family but mainly on the First Lady. From reporters to fashion designers – they all have an opinion on what she is wearing during the celebration. Not only are they talking about what she wore, but also sharing where you can put your hands on them. Not unnoticed is the comment that just about everything she wore was right "off the rack”.  I guess there is a lot to be said about shopping "off the rack”.  I personally like Mrs. Obama’s fashion choices this year. From the navy-silk, checkered-patterned coat and dress by Thom Browne to the custom-made Jason Wu velvet chiffon ruby-red gown. Everything she wore was very flattering and elegant which accented her best features and further enhanced her style and beauty. When asked about her “new look” during a pre-inauguration interview, Mrs. Obama shared that she was “going to be 50” in a minute. “Not a lot I can do to shake things up. Not a lot of options.” From what I can see, she is holding her own just fine and don’t look like she has much to worry about in that department.

Not to be undone, the Obama girls were equally as decked out as their mom. Malia wore a plum-colored J. Crew coat accented with a burgundy-colored scarf over an electric-blue dress.  Her sister Sasha wore a Kate Spade coat and dress in a similar purple shade.  Their selections – also "off the rack” – while elegant and tasteful, did not take away from their innocence and was age appropriate.  It was good to see that they are not growing up too fast and appears to be normal young ladies as they were seen texting and taking pictures throughout the celebration.

All in all it has been an exciting and entertaining two days. But as exciting and entertaining as these two days has been it will be good to get back to the business of addressing the nation’s issues. I’m just saying. I got issues – what about you? )i(

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Celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today we celebrate a man who was very instrumental in the civil rights movement which allows us much of the freedom we enjoy today - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I was only two years old when he died so clearly I have no recollection of that time period or the events leading up to his death. However, as I was growing up I was taught by my teachers in school about his life and what his accomplishments meant to us as a race and as a nation. I learned about the many marches he spearheaded - most significantly the march from Salem to Montgomery for the promoting of voting rights for people of color and the civil rights march on Washington to promote desegregation. People came from all over the country to hear him speak because he represented hope. It was at this march that he delivered his famous “I have a dream” speech. From all accounts it was his most noteworthy speech ever.

At a time when the nation was at a great racial divide, Dr. King represented an opportunity for change. His voice was a beacon of hope. His non-violence approach, while viewed as “nonsense” and “ineffective” by some, proved to be very effective and even threatening to others. So much so that many believe it was the effectiveness of his leadership and the threat that he could possible effectively turn the government around that lead to him being assassinated. Whatever the reason, we lost a great leader. While he represented change back then he also promoted unity and togetherness. And while we have overcame so much since those early days there is still so much more that needs to be done. For starters our young people need to understand our struggles as a people. Our young men need to stop underestimating themselves and portray themselves as thugs wearing their pants below their butts.  Our young women need to embrace their true worth and stop feeding into the hype that they are bitches. Black on black crime needs to stop, and we need to unify and come together to find more peaceable ways to mend differences.

Dr. King helped paved the way for us to be able to celebrate the inauguration of President Barack Obama for a second term today. While I feel some pride in this event, I can’t help but wonder what the next four years holds for us as a nation.  The struggle got easier but it is no way over. I’m sure you will agree with me that we are living in times that are a far cry from what Dr. King lived through, but in some ways we are still no better off than we were back then. There are still some underlying cases of racism that plagues us, i.e., the senseless killing of 17-year old Trayvone Martin in Florida; the hit and run of 61-year-old Johnny Lee Butts in Mississippi. Then there are the other events that seem not to be racially charged but are tragedies just the same, i.e., the shooting of 26 people at Sandy Hook Elementary School, the shooting at Chicago State University, etc. which have all sparked a lot of conversation. 

America is under the microscope and the world is watching to see how we handle our rash of shootings. We may not be able to change everyone’s opinion of us but we can change the way we view each other. My challenge to you is to vow to do your part to eliminate the struggle all together. What can you do to continue to promote Dr. King’s dream and vision for us as a people, as a nation? I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you?)i(

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Friendship Disclaimer…

As today is my birthday I figured I would sleep in, especially since I went to great lengths to ensure I had nothing planned except for a manicure and a pedicure for later in the day. But it looks like that would not be the case as I was awoken by the ringing of my cellphone. Guess I forgot to extend the automatic DND (Do Not Disturb) feature last night before I went to bed. Not knowing who it was I reached over and answered it. I heard a female voice on the other line inquiring if I was who I was and I responded “yes.”  She then went on to ask if I could do her a favor, but before I could answer, she went on to say she was Todd’s wife. Knowing exactly who she was and the drama that was no doubt about to be unleashed I opted to hang up. After all, today was my day and I was not about to let anything or anyone mess that up. But I am getting ahead of myself. Let me give you a little background.

I met Todd about 16 years ago when I first moved to Atlanta. He was in the middle of a nasty divorce and had not seen his two minor girls for about three years. It took some doing but I was able to get his wife at the time to agree to visitation for him. The only catch was I had to chaperon/supervise the visits.  So for several months I gave up my weekends so that Todd could spend time with his girls. Needless-to-say he was very grateful and offered to help me with anything I needed including offering to buy me a car because my car broke down the same night we met.  Of course being the person I am I declined his offer on the car, but I did take him up on his offer to drop me off and pick me up from work until I obtain reliable transportation again. To that end, he would accompanied me on my car hunting excursions and gave me a crash course in car buying 101 which proved to be right on the money as it literally saved me thousands of dollars by the time I settled on a suitable car.

Although there were opportunities to take our friendship to another level, we never did and we remained simply great friends. I eventually met and married someone else but Todd and I stayed close friends. He knows he can call on me whenever he need to and has, and I knew the same was true for him.  There were times when months would go by before I heard from him or vice versa and I would jokingly remind him that the only acceptable excuse for him not to keep in touch was if he found himself a girlfriend.  It took some years after his divorce before he would test the relationship waters again. At one point he was dating a lady who was twice his senior, but I never interfered. I figured he was old enough to decide who he wanted to be involved with. The only thing that bothered me was that she seemed to be threatened by Todd’s and my friendship.  I can’t imagine why as I hardly ever saw Todd and was happily married at the time.  However when my marriage ended it seems like she became more insecure and threatened by me to the point where she would answer Todd’s phone whenever I called him and attempt to engage me in small talk.  That proved to be quite awkward as she was not my friend.  Todd would eventually share some of our conversation with her to try to reassure her that there was nothing going on between us.  I guess that was his feeble attempt to defuse the situation. That didn't do much good as it eventually came to a head when she called me one morning and shared some of the details of Todd and my conversation. She went on to ask me to stop calling Todd because she felt our friendship was keeping him from truly committing to her. I thought that was a joke but tried to reassure her that her fears were unfounded as I had no romantic interest in Todd.  

Not sure if she believed me or not and I really could have cared less but in any event I opted to limit my calls and interaction with Todd and decided to wait it out. For as sure as I knew my name I knew that relationship would be short lived. I didn't have to wait long as Todd grew tired of her insecurities and meddling as apparently I was not the only one of Todd’s female friends she called.

As the years rolled by we would continue to be friends with the occasional lunch or phone conversation.  Then about two years ago after not hearing from him for a while I decided to call him to see how he was doing. I didn't get him but was grateful he still had the same number so I left him a message. As always I joked about how I hoped the reason why I had not heard from him was because he was in a relationship. He called me back later that day and casually dropped that he was engaged. I was so excited for him and asked all the usual questions, who was she? Where did they meet? Then he asked me “to hold on, my fiancé wants to say hi.” Not knowing what to expect I said “ok.”  When she came on the line we exchanged pleasantries, well at least I did, and I was in the middle of saying how much I was looking forward to meeting her, when she interrupted me to say that was all well and good but she had listened to the voice message I left her fiancé and she did not appreciate me calling him darling. You could have knocked me out with a feather I was so shocked.  I told her “okay darling” and then quickly apologized for the slip of the tongue and tried to explain that I didn't mean anything by calling her darling.  When she gave Todd back the phone, he proceeded to invited me to come to his birthday celebration the next weekend. I had initially said I would go, but later decided against it because I felt it was a ploy to get me to come so that his fiancé could satisfy her curiosity about me.  

After that my interactions with Todd was few and far in-between. There were the occasional up-date phone calls and it was during one of those calls that he shared with me that he had gotten married. It didn't sound like he was too happy about it but then again he always sounded that way lately.  Either way it was not my place to say.  I continued to keep him in my circle of friends. In fact last night after I posted my blog I sent out emails and text messages to all my friends promoting it, Todd was included. I think my last text went out at 2am this morning. I did not give it a second thought. I just figured folks would get it when they woke up.

So fast forward to this morning, I actually had no idea why his wife would be calling me except for maybe to trip about the fact that Todd and I were still friends and I was in no mood for the drama. So as quickly as I hung up, she called back. I did not answer. She would end up calling me three more times and leaving messages which I did not listen to.  She then found herself texting me about texting her husband at 2 am. All I could do was laugh because as I mentioned before, the text she was tripping about was also sent to all my friends and simply said, “Check out my blog” and listed the website. I really could not see what the issue was. I get emails and text all hours of the night and day from all kind of people and businesses, thus the need for me to set the DND on my cell.

Anyway, there was the usual texting back and forth until I grew tired of her accusations so I text Todd and told him to handle his wife cause I was not having none of this. The weird thing is when I finally got a hold of Todd he indicated she was out of town yet somehow she was able to get into his phone. I am not sure if he is being honest about how she got my number but I do know that she made the classic mistake that most women make when they feel threaten by another woman whether it is legitimate or not – calling the other woman.  What makes this so sad is the fact that in my case there is no grounds for her insecurities, but even if there was she needed to take up her issues with her husband not me. Why is she calling me? If she does not want her husband to interact with me, then she needs to share that with him, not me. By calling me she undermines their relationship and shows her distrust of him.  I know Todd is a good man and is not a cheater. Apparently she does not know him well enough yet to know that about him and that is unfortunate. 

Oddly enough this is not the first time this has happened to me. Just last year another friend of mines chose to end our friendship of over 20 years because his wife was insecure about our friendship. In that case the wife claimed that I was drawing him in with my “niceness”. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean but I suspect that both ladies do not believe that there are truly good-hearted, caring people in this world who can give of themselves selflessly without reservation and with no expectations of a return or that it is possible for their husbands to have a platonic relationship with someone of the opposite sex. I propose that they take a closer look at themselves and try to identify the underlying cause for their insecurities because it's clearly not about me. Or maybe it is as I am honest, loyal, uplifting, encouraging, edifying, truthful, non-judgmental, caring, fun, exciting, engaging, stimulating, confident, fabulous, exotic, and yes I am also nice. These are just a few of my character flaws. I like being this way and I don’t plan on changing. So if you are married or involved with any of my male friends please take this as a disclaimer. I am not responsible for any shortcoming, insecurities or deficit you may feel as a result of your spouse having been exposed to me and my character flaws.  I’m just saying – I got issues. What about you? )i(  #IGotIssues

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Finding Inspiration/Motivation

It’s been a minute since I have written anything – blogged or book entries. I would like to say it was because I was extremely busy with the business of living, but truth is I sort of lost my motivation and inspiration for a lot of things, not just to write. For starters you may recall me telling you in an earlier blog that the holidays are normally a difficult time for me. Mostly because of internal issues which weighs heavily on my mind, i.e., mental reflections on childhood traumas, lost love ones, lost relationships, strained relationships, etc.  Add to that my current struggles, i.e., health issues as a result of recent car accident, unemployment status, relationship status, cold weather - which are all factors that make for the beginning of depression. But if that was not enough, add the Sandy Hook Elementary tragedy to the mix and that pretty much sealed it for me. 

Over the past month I have struggled to rise up from under the emotional fog which has been weighing me down. Not easily done when you take into consideration that my motivation and inspiration has always been internally stimulated. Sure there has been the occasional external stimulus like when I was inspired to start this blog by a friend, but the motivation to keep doing it came from within. So when my internal motivation and inspiration is blocked, life as I know it pretty much comes to stand still. I mean most days I slept until noon unless I had an appointment or something else that required me to get out the bed earlier.  Fact is, I am sure I am not the only one who suffers from the “holiday blues”.  Let’s face it; last year was a tough year for most of us even if you don’t normally suffer from depression. So how do you break out of it especially when there is no external motivation for you to do so?

For some people, prescription drugs and/or alcohol is their choice for coping, but not for me. Don’t get me wrong, I've had the occasional glass of Merlot, and at one point even sought professional help. But there is something deep inside of me that dictates that I beat this through other means. So I was determined to think of other things I could try to break this cycle. That is, when my brain chose to work. So for starters I would force myself to get out the bed and log on to my Facebook account to play games or check my friends’ profile. It may not seem like much but being able to engage in some mindless activity or see positive posts from friends and/or family helped to keep me focused on something else other than what was going on in my head. I once confessed to a friend of mines that it was on my worst days that I would do the most posting on Facebook. Those are the days I dug deep to find some meaning for my existence and would find inspiration to post some meaningful comment to encourage my friends and family. I guess in a way you could say I was encouraging myself through what I was writing on my page.

Another thing I did was to get out and walk when the weather or my body permitted (mostly my feet – lol). That was not very often so for those days when I could not get out and walk, I would do simple breathing exercises and stretches to help stimulate my mind and increase blood circulation. I also made it a point to increase my daily meditation and prayer life.  I forced myself to tap into my inner self and used my spirituality to gain guidance and encouragement from my Heavenly Father. By attending Sunday morning services and participating in morning worship I also found the release and connection I needed to get me through the week. I also made it a point to call in to the daily Morning Prayer line which was also a great source of inspiration.

As effective as all those things were to help me get through my day-to-day activities, they did nothing to motivate me to start writing again.  Then this afternoon, I was talking to a friend who asked me when was the last time I blogged. I had to confess to him that I had not done so in over a month. He then proceeded to give me a small lecture on following through and being consistent with my blogging. He said “your followers are missing you.” 

Then he proceeded to suggest a topic and main content idea for me to focus on.  He further instructed me to email him a copy of it when it was finished - today. So here I am blogging. Oddly enough it’s not so much that he said what he said, but rather the thought that he cared enough to say something. He reminded me that I had actually started something and needed to continue what I had started.  He triggered something in me - accountability. I guess I just needed to be held accountable. I’m just saying - I got issues, what about you?)i(

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